More confused than before

[Rose888]

Bizarre question....
Anyone here have the WS announce they are gay and would want to stay married but see other men?

I don't think it's unusual. I believe I know of one marriage were it was proposed (although it was the wife who was lesbian), but they divorced instead.

[Altair]

Buxom,
you and I can start a bi-thread, if you like. I have some experience in this. Seems like there's none of this on the boards now, for men..

[Buxom]

Altair, how do we go about doing that thread together?

[Cherry]

I haven't personally come across it, but I'm sure it happens.

Your wh does sound in a fragile place, but only he can admit that he needs help. Just stay a steady lighthouse, show calm. Be the opposite of him. And when/if he's ready to reach out to you he will. But don't let him drag you into his hole. My wh is full of depressive thoughts and how the world would be better without him. I just listen and validate.

[Buxom]

Thanks cherry. I did have an opportunity when he reached out to me but I couldn't take the call right away, he retreated, shut down and wouldn't talk even 45 mins later! I was crushed since I'd been waiting for this opportunity and missed the cues until it was too late! I think it set back the whole MLC thing! Sick about it. Now he's silent, unresponsive and feeling rejected. So do I go back to my life, being happy and all the dbing??? He has voted n said to me, well you have your own life to live, that's good. Etc?

[Buxom]

Journaling... why is it that when things are going well or at least ok, that I feel most anxious? Is it because I expect to be let down? Maybe. I know this is a marathon and not a sprint and for the most part I can do it. Some days do feel very long as I recall the past words and deeds. I try not dwell as it changes nothing and just upsets me. I hope we are on track to whatever the next step is. I feel like my patience has worn thin over the past five years.

[Buxom]

Been a while... Things were going well, piecing, he wanted to stay with me and our family. Now he's drunk, talking mean again, trying to make me feel like I'm the problem. I want to cry I am so angry!! He's turned on me, drinking again hanging with ow. I told him I can't take this anymore and tried to walk away and got yelled at for walking out on him.
Can't freaking win! So confused. I tried not to talk but I did try defend myself. I just got back for a three day quilt retreat and feel like it's all worsen he is so emotional and blames me.

[2Lady]

Bizarre question....
Anyone here have the WS announce they are gay and would want to stay married but see other men?

There's a couple I don't know personally but I know of, may have met the wife once or twice, but we have a lot of friends and colleagues in common and I was told that they amicably agreed to this and remain living together as friends and they go to social events together etc (they are the high society type).

[MrBond]

"Anyone here have the WS announce they are gay and would want to stay married but see other men?"

Yes there have been a few here. Oftentimes they just have to let the spouse go to discover who they really are. Like in every other situation, the LBS has to decide what THEY themselves want and live life accordingly.

[Buxom]

All good advice. Right now he's not pursuing that aspect. I've been supportive of anything he throws at me. Last night he was so angry and spewing and I tried to Defend myself, tried to walk out for space and nothing I did was right. He was mean and attacking. How do I handle today? Like nothing happened?