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C-nut, I think I would recognize you walking down the street. Lol. I can actually picture you in my mind ... And I bet we are total opposites (well and I am a chick) but it's all good. So glad we leave politics far away from this site because I am purely of the left coast persuasion ....

(Now for some estrogen in the mix)

Lim, I think you are handling yourself and issue with your FIL very well. Perhaps it matters more how your W and kids experienced the sitch and will see your R with him moving forward. That is what I like about the DB philosophy in all Rs--we cannot control others but we can control ourselves and how we react.

Healthy and respectful boundaries are a must. Not so sure about all the neck grabbing and beer drinking, but after he apologizes you guys can all hug a tree together? Kidding. Sort of. But this guy has issues and I tend to think instead of sheilding kids from crazy behavior, better to lead by example so they will know how to handle these sort of things in the future. This also shows your W that you accept her family despite the problems. Ahhhh, inlaws, gotta love them.

Lim, you are a great and impressive role model for us all! (hopefully C-nut and doodler are taking notes :-)

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Blu,

If you weren't married I'd hit on you.

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Originally Posted By: doodler
Blu,

If you weren't married I'd hit on you.




You two go get your own thread shocked


Me: 48 y/o
W: 47 y/o
Together: > 20 yrs
BD: Dec '15, then S
2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D
April '16: started piecing
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Lim,

Also be aware this could be a sign of a medical condition and your conversation with FIL should/could also include concern about his physical and mental condition.

Out of character and inappropriate (in front of children and involving his own children and daughters) anger and aggression in an older man (with reduced testosterone) isn't typical.

He MAY actually act remorseful and be remorseful as a way to further mask his own concerns and fears about what's going on with him. He doesn't want anyone else to catch on because being "ill" or "old" like that makes him feel less manly.

Then again, as everyone's brain's age, we all become a little mentally ill. Paranoia and anger are pretty normal signs of just aging that he needs to control and work to calm himself down. Old men love conspiracy theories for a reason and apparently your daughters and the nail remover fiasco was your plot to disrespect and destroy his property.

A careful boundary could include NOT meeting at his home where such paranoia can apparently be triggered. He apparently can't help keeping an keen eye on what you and your kids do in his house to his property. Avoid the trigger by simply not being around his property and everything will run much smoother and leaving a public place or other relative's home is a lot easier and more convenient that having to storm out of father in law's house.

If he's really contrite and apologetic (and you think he can do it appropriately). He could/should model it to his grandchildren and apologize to them.


The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
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Me: 48 y/o
W: 47 y/o
Together: > 20 yrs
BD: Dec '15, then S
2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D
April '16: started piecing
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