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Rouky Offline OP
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Just reporting back. Kids have been telling me what their dad has planned for them when he has then next. He is taking them to a theme park! I know I shouldn't be bothered about it but I am because now he is doing all the things I knew he was capable of but without me as part of the family. It really hurts, I have so long waited for him to put his kids and me first before his job and leisure activities. I feel it's not fair. I should be happy for the kids as he is so much better but it's sour for me as I feel i adequate and a bad mother! I feel that my kids truly prefers to be with their dad not me!

Also first time in ages that he isn't arguing with me regarding school expenses! Honestly why does it hurt so much? I'm nearly 19 months since separation and should be feeling better but my mind is in consistent conflict with my heart! I should believe that we are truly over (as his actions don't seem to prove otherwise, and I think he has me hoping because OW isn't near my kids, nor as he filed), but my heart says don't give up.

Don't understand why I can feel high and low a lot of time. My life is better as I go out a lot, I'm about to get a payrise and don't leave in fear of walking on eggshells, so why am I feeling this way?

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job Offline
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Rouky,

I'm sorry you are having some ups and downs, i.e., the rollercaoster ride of emotions. I do understand how you feel and the reason you feel the way you do is that he's now stepping up to the plate and trying to be a father to your kids, something he's not done in a long time. It could be he's doing this to prove to you, the world and himself that he's a good father and wants his children to know this. It could be that he's playing a Disney Dad for a period of time and when the novelty of doing things w/them wears off, he may very well go back to the way he was. It also could be that he's acting out at the same ages as your children and he wants to be best buds w/them and what better way to play and have them wanting to be w/him...but to do fun things w/them. Doing things w/the kids could also be a way to ease his guilt for walking out on them. It will get old, but for the sake of the children, I do hope he continues to be a part of their lives.

You are hurt because he didn't do things while he was living w/you. They all do things like this and more after they walk out the door. We are not at fault for what they did or didn't do at that time. We could and can only control ourselves. As for being a bad mother, I don't see that in your posts. So, please stop putting yourself down. Stop and think about it...the only reason that your children prefer to be w/their dad is because he's spending money on fun stuff. I bet if they had to sit around at his place and watch TV or play outside, they wouldn't be happy little clams about that.

You, on the other hand, have to be both mother and father when they are w/you. You ensure that they have clean clothes, food on the table, get their homework done and are responsible for cleaning up their messes. You are providing them w/a stable home life and that's far more than Disney Dad is doing...going to a them park is fun, but when it's over, it's over and he can't continue to do this type of thing because eventually the kids will get bored doing this stuff, also money can only go so far.

So, Rouky, please stop beating yourself up. You are a great mother and no matter what you see or hear about what he's doing w/the children, at the end of the day, you are the one providing them a stable home.

Congratulations on the pay raise. Don't allow the green eyed jealousy monster to eat at you. You are right where you need to be and sooner than later, his life style is going to come back to bite him.

P.S. It's time to start a new thread.

New Thread:

Starting life over

Last edited by job; 10/01/16 05:12 AM. Reason: Added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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