I hope everyone is having some fun this weekend! It's a holiday weekend here in the US and I'm enjoying my time off. Even if I have bouts of sadness and WH and OW are frequently on my mind, they aren't able to ruin my day or mood. Yesterday, I went thrift store shopping and had lunch out with Son. I found a few pieces that are office appropriate for the fall, exactly what I was looking for.
I think it's so important to do things that are enjoyable, entertaining, intensely absorbing, or pampering, because if we only work and do chores, the sadness that we're dealing with has no counterbalance. GAL activities have many good effects, and one that I'm feeling these days, is that it gives me something to fight back with when darkness sets in. Yes, I can still cry in the evening after doing a fun activity followed by dinner and a great conversation with a good friend, but it's not *as* devastating for *as* long because my brain and body are also filled with positive stimuli and soothing chemicals. It's like they say about banishing darkness, the best way is to light a candle.
My current GAL activities are choir (just joined and started practice last week for the season), decorating Son's condo with some of my things, meeting friends for lunch or dinner, watching good, 'safe' movies, and going back to college part-time. I've been too tired to go to the studio and paint, but I need to get over there. It's just one of those activities I do better in groups or on a schedule.
I don't know if I consider it GAL, but there's a Divorce Care group that starts up again on September 28th, so I signed up for that. I already have the workbook but there were only a couple of meetings left when I found the local group back in May, so I never really got into it. And I see my IC weekly. She is a great support and helps me process the feelings that flow through.
I've been laughing for days at something WH said in our most recent conversation and I think everyone here will, too. I asked him what his plans were for proceeding with a D, and as usual, he had none (he says repeatedly that he's living day to day). I then let him know that if he were to go ahead and file for a no-fault D, my reply would be to request an at-fault D.
He blew up and told me he would lose his job if I did that (no, he wouldn't) because his employer is "really strict about stuff like that and consider it a flaw in character".
He was so angry he hung up on me - so I texted him later that once he calmed down, he might want to reflect on why they view it that way... and that he always has the option of moving OW out again.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Might you have some time to swing by Coly23's thread. She is struggling with waterworks and the anxiety and I know you and Phoebe really helped each other out with this type of challenge.
All I can say is WOW to this. Way to poke the bear after he lost it. Karma returning the favor to him for sure.
Quote:
I've been laughing for days at something WH said in our most recent conversation and I think everyone here will, too. I asked him what his plans were for proceeding with a D, and as usual, he had none (he says repeatedly that he's living day to day). I then let him know that if he were to go ahead and file for a no-fault D, my reply would be to request an at-fault D.
He blew up and told me he would lose his job if I did that (no, he wouldn't) because his employer is "really strict about stuff like that and consider it a flaw in character".
He was so angry he hung up on me - so I texted him later that once he calmed down, he might want to reflect on why they view it that way... and that he always has the option of moving OW out again.
You have come a long way and it is good to hear you are doing so well of late.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
