Here's the thing. Your feelings and her feelings are going to continue to ebb and flow and evolve over time.
The key is learning how to communicate. Listening and validating are skills that need to be practiced, honed, and refined. But once you have them in your tool belt, then there is no "need to prepare".[/quote] Your absolutely right, and while I can keep running scenarios around in my head, I know that I'll never be fully prepared for [basically] anything. While I want to think my reasoning for these exercises are based on bettering myself, I've obviously still got my WW in the back of my mind (or front), while I'm running through these things.
I'm trying to look at things more like you do, darknes. I'm trying to understand that this "growth" of myself, isn't necessarily to make things work in my current M, but rather to make myself a better person for all other, current, and future relationships I'm involved in. Ie, work, family, friends, future R's (which I can't even begin to think of right now), but you get the point. While I know I'm doing these things for MY future, it still has some figments of possibility that my future will include my current WW.
So, to "ease her mind" during the whole pre-filing I want this, I don't want that, I want to stay married I want a divorce blah blah blah. I told her I would move my direct deposit back into the joint checking until a decision is made (I haven't done this yet, and it take two pay periods for my work to make the change anyways).
But, since the papers were [apparently] filed yesterday and should be arriving by mail in the next few days... I'm thinking I will retract my comment of putting my pay check into the joint checking. This goes back to the "I hadn't gone full blown LRT yet", and was trying to be helpful when I shouldn't have been.
Anyone have reason why, once I receive the papers, I shouldn't be taking of stance of "my money is mine, your money is yours?" I think it only makes sense, if she's willing to formally file for D, she is basically saying, "I've made my decision to start the process of living separate lives." Maybe I'm thinking irrationally, but I would think that includes money/bills/etc.
She'll eventually get your money if it comes to D (assuming a 50/50 split), but there's no reason to give it to her now. Be sure to spend plenty of money on home improvements since you own the house.
Zing... and there they are. Served via email. followed with several texts from my W. --- "I sent you a bunch of email from attorney, the wording is super harsh and I hate it, and I'm so sorry. I do love you. I just don't feel we are right for one another. I've felt this way for a while and I know you have too. We've always lacked passion and spark, it's time we both choose to be happy."
"I wish and hope we could sit and talk" --- I'm putting my phone on airplane, and gotta get the eff outta here for a minute... I knew it was here/coming, but I need a breather. I feel like screaming and breaking things, but work would not appreciate that.
