Coconut, thank you for the support. It means a lot.
I liked hearing her hurt because it helps make up for all the times I sat and cried while this was going on and I was sad and confused. Yes, I still feel bad for her at times. It was SO hard for me today to not text and ask how camp was going, because I helped her come up with the weekly themes. I consoled her when she freaked out about feeling lost and not being able to do a good job. I pushed her and pushed her to give it her all because I believed in her. But I didn't give in, and I just asked some questions about S and kept it to that.
I sure don't feel strong. I feel like I'm one moment, one picture, one situation away from having another crying fit. Nothing is final now, but I'm losing my desire to reach out because I'm looking at the long term damage of what her selfishness will do. I look at her and see the woman I love, the woman I'm attracted to, the woman I had a baby with. She sounds like the woman I love. But her decisions are insane and she's completely irrational. Maybe I'm too close, and you're right.
I so badly want to have a sit down with her and go over everything, but she'll have to get smacked by SOMETHING so her bullheadedness goes away. But I have a feeling that it won't happen by July and she'll just want to discuss how we split preschool costs, car insurance payments and the like. I miss the woman I love, but I don't like the pod that has taken over her body, mind and soul.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Is there a way to put out the batsignal for Sandi? I'd love for her to take a look at my sitch...
RSG,
Yes, to signal Sandi you have to post something like the following:
My wife brought the OM home last night and made all three of us sleep together in the MBR. I felt uncomfortable about that even though I don't think they had sex. I didn't want to tell my wife that I was uncomfortable with the OM in my bed because I was afraid she'd get mad at me.
Doodler- You had me seriously laughing out loud here at the office. I'm happy you are all keeping your sense of humor! Looks like it worked since Sandi2 posted on this thread
RSG-
Sounds like she is cake eating in a major way. You are smart to recognize that she needs to fill her emotional and financial needs herself if she wants to continue down this path.
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I would not contact her or respond to her except for arrangements for the kids schedule. Anything else seems like pursuing. Even asking how your son is doing at camp. Ask him when you talk with him. Back away, she will follow.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Coconut, thank you for the support. It means a lot.
I sure don't feel strong. I feel like I'm one moment, one picture, one situation away from having another crying fit. Nothing is final now, but I'm losing my desire to reach out because I'm looking at the long term damage of what her selfishness will do. I look at her and see the woman I love, the woman I'm attracted to, the woman I had a baby with. She sounds like the woman I love. But her decisions are insane and she's completely irrational. Maybe I'm too close, and you're right.
I so badly want to have a sit down with her and go over everything, but she'll have to get smacked by SOMETHING so her bullheadedness goes away. But I have a feeling that it won't happen by July and she'll just want to discuss how we split preschool costs, car insurance payments and the like. I miss the woman I love, but I don't like the pod that has taken over her body, mind and soul.
Your welcome, I'm by no means a vet, but I've been through the hurt and know what it feels like, so it makes me happy to hear that I was able to help in anyway.
You say you don't feel strong because your one memory away from crying, but crying doesn't make you weak, if you didn't feel the emotions you'd be a psychopath. Your strong because you don't "need" to talk to her about everything, that's where I'm weak, I feel like I needed to talk to her every time I was feeling anything, two months in and I still struggle with dealing with my emotions myself.
I hope you get the choice of taking her back one day, and if you decide you want to, that's when you will sit down and go over everything. Even though you say you want that, be careful what you wish for, because that process isn't any easier. I would suggest to anyone who reaches that point to really consider what you want to know before you start asking..
There is a lot of good information available on types of questions that can be very helpful in healing, and a lot of cautions about asking for specifics, because knowing specifics can do a lot more harm than good. I kinda look at it like I don't want to know of any specifics about her past R before marriage, and I don't know that I would want to know any specifics about the A either. But I'm getting ahead of myself, just know that most M that have an A occur do survive, so there is a lot of hope.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Her mind is definitely in a weird place. She constantly says to me she'd walk through hell for our child, but is actually willing to throw away half of his life without even trying to work on anything.
Obviously my WW is still in the thick of it. I noticed we weren't friends on Instagram a few days ago, and then today we weren't on Facebook. I asked about FB, and she said we are still friend but she's just stopped doing social media so she isn't posting anything anyway. That used to make her SO happy, and it wasn't that long ago!
She said she was "so sorry" the other day, but that didn't hurt her much. And she's been cold and distant since she said that. My Mom compared her place in this as watching a house burning down and being helpless to stop it. I thought that was good, but added my place was watching it burn, knowing it was my house AND knowing it was arson.
I don't understand why she just doesn't file for D now, or why she doesn't say she wants to go forward with a plan. She wants to work together, turn in a plan we agree on and the like, but hasn't said word one about when.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
