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Joined: Apr 2014
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Hello Speeder,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

I certainly agree with the good people here that you should not post that letter on FB, no matter what! What do you hope to accomplish by posting it on FB? It would definitely make it harder for her to reconcile because of the public humiliation. When you are ready to forgive, will everyone else feel the same? Probably not. Post it here if you need to vent to get it out there, but nowhere else!

Sounds like your W and her OM are cake eating. The want to live in their fantasy worlds without any of the consequences. Boundaries are really important right now.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Cristy #2680610 05/25/16 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted By: Sotto
For the WAS - facing the friends and family of the one they walked away from/betrayed is one of the hardest things.


I won't post on FB or write an apology. I've been reading way too many conflicting ideas and will just work on myself via the 180, keep to STHT, empathy and toffee eyes. I think what is really getting me panicky is knowing she is meeting OM for an overnighter this weekend, and feeling powerless to stop it. I know deep down the affair has to flounder on its own, or they will always wonder. It just hurts BAD to be betrayed while still M.

W took day off to meet with a lawyer for free advice on our finanaces. We are both poor and the plan has been to D without lawyers. She took S16 for his drivers license and let me know she was looking in to a possible refinance where I got to keep the house sans her name. I was thinking last night I'm more okay losing her than the house my two youngest sons live in. We've only been there 5 mos. but the efforts she put in to get it was Herculean. I have my 2nd counseling meeting tonight and feel more prepared for my next cornering by her.

Thanks for the advice all!


M49 W48
Married 25 years
S14 & S16 in house. S21 & S23 together in apt.

BD#1 11/09 EA & PA, Separated 2/10, Reconciled 9/10
BD#2 4/16 EA & PA, Separated 4/16
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Speeder, you and I are a lot alike, and I'm constantly getting 2x4's because I like to act when I'm at my highs and my lows.. I can't seem to stay in the middle of the road and everytime I do it, I know I make things worse but have a hard time controlling myself.

Anyway, write the letter, read the letter, post the letter here, but don't FB it or give it to her. On the night of BD, I posted the texts I found between her and OM on my and her FB page... Luckily it was the middle of the night and I quickly realized, even in my rage, that it was a bad idea, so I told her to check FB and then allowed her to delete the posts... Had I not done that, we would not be working on going forward now, and I also think things would be really weird between me and family/friends.

I'm sorry to hear about this weekend, just do your best to focus on you and your kids.. Is taking them for a weekend trip doable? Would be fun and keep you occupied, not sitting at home letting your mind wonder.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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W took the day off to meet a guy for a free consultation regarding finances. She also took S16 to get his license. I had my second counseling session which was okay. The counsellor seemed shocked at the events and I think she learned as much from me as I her. Lost it a few times but regained composure and set up third meeting in 3 weeks. Getting home before them, S14 said that Mom was taking a bunch of stuff. A lamp and small table, all her summer clothes and more bathroom stuff and pictures. I took a quick peek in her office and saw this 3 page document. Does this mean she filed and I will get served and this is her copy, or is this something she will hand to me and it's not filled out?:
[IMG]http://i67.tinypic.com/24fg2sw.jpg[/IMG]
When they came back it was STHT and W and I ate the meal she prepared and not much was said other than about the house and working in the deal that it will be continent I refinance in 2 years to get her name off the mortgage. She left within 30 mins before 6pm and never mentioned the documents. I'm not expecting her back? She did mention yesterday how do I want to be served? As an embarrassment at work or other? Other of course (but I wouldn't be embarrassed).

I'm just numb, relieved, sad, disappointed, angry, shocked if this is indeed it and in 60 days later its over. I plan to stand and continue on as I have been if this is indeed the fate she decided until D day.


M49 W48
Married 25 years
S14 & S16 in house. S21 & S23 together in apt.

BD#1 11/09 EA & PA, Separated 2/10, Reconciled 9/10
BD#2 4/16 EA & PA, Separated 4/16
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 13
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Today is the day W said on WED she planned to file for D. I saw her yesterday and she was civil and it was just STHT. She had disabled my phone account which she pays for but reactivated it until I get my own.


M49 W48
Married 25 years
S14 & S16 in house. S21 & S23 together in apt.

BD#1 11/09 EA & PA, Separated 2/10, Reconciled 9/10
BD#2 4/16 EA & PA, Separated 4/16
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