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Joined: May 2006
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Bea, I know that his call had to surprise you. It's unusual to see this behavior that far out from a divorce. Many MLC'ers that have been away that long just tend to keep moving on. Anyway, I am glad that his call made you feel better. You have displayed a patience that I do not have. I won't speak to my XW under any circumstances, but I am glad this has helped you and hopefully, he will continue to try to reconnect with all of you.

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Omg Bea.. i never saw this coming from your mlcer..wow!!
I am happy you got this call after all you have been through.. he knows what he has lost but did you hear apologies or sensed remorse in his voice? I'm curious. I wonder if they would admit their true feelings eventually.cause, i beleive they have those feelings.they showed them from time to time during their mlc but will deny them..
It is good to hear from you !! smile

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Hi Exquisite - good to hear from you (and you too BH - this is different for all of us)

I would say from his voice and general conversational style that my xh is pretty depressed, but that is his to own. I am sorry if this is the case, but it is outside anything I can do. All I can do is be authentically me, and I am done with anger, hurt and bitterness - although it took a long time to work through.

What I think happens in MLC is that it is like walking or driving in a thick fog. Periodically there is a clear patch - (and some do not have these at all) and they pop up, but the fog closes in again. Maybe they come out of it when the patches of clarity get larger, and fog lessens. But also some of them find it easier to remain in the fog.

I think my xh has periods of clarity (always has had) but the fog closes in again. This time I don't know. I haven't heard from him in a few days, but the last email I got was pleasant and addressed to something that interested me.

The thing is there isn't really anywhere for us to go on this, except to be more friendly to each other and make my past 'safer' by our shared understanding of the past, and possibly even my understanding what he has been through. I am genuinely sorry for all that has happened, but I have a future as well as a past.

I do not think he regrets all of it - but I do think he regrets the pain he caused me, which up until now he hasn't really acknowledged or even understood.

I am not expecting another call or email any time soon.

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Originally Posted By: beatrice
The thing is there isn't really anywhere for us to go on this, except to be more friendly to each other and make my past 'safer' by our shared understanding of the past, and possibly even my understanding what he has been through. I am genuinely sorry for all that has happened, but I have a future as well as a past.

Well put.

The time involved in all of this can never be underestimated.

We can not put our lives on hold and my honest belief is if we do we
can get stuck in our own crisis.

Much better idea is to keep moving forward!


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Bea,

I am so happy to hear you are doing well. Those MLCers can surprise you on occasion can't they?

Keep living the good life. I always enjoy your posts:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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