WAW moved out, spewing anger, trying to detach

[SH_]

So I have been busy and avoiding any journaling since last week, as I find myself in a weird state of mind.

Well, weird to me I guess. A lot of feelings and emotions bubbling right below the surface, but not really getting out and taking shape.

Let me start with some journaling of events since last Wednesday when d5 shared her desire for mommy to come live with daddy, but was told no, because daddy never helps them.......

Thursday was the dreaded and awaited moment for me when WAW family would be in town for D17 graduation.

Well, as it neared, I realized that I was not dreading it at all. Somewhere in the week before, I stopped having anxiety attacks, and seeing or talking with WAW no longer upset me. In fact, I felt pity and sometime humor when seeing her behavior.
Anyhow, I was actually looking forward to the graduation because my focus was on the excitement of d17. This was her big day.

The day started off with me dropping of d5 at her mothers house. I knew that her parents would be there, but had no thoughts nor feeling on knowing this. When I dropped off d5, she was excited to see her G-ma and ran into her mothers house. I saw MIL and said very confidently, "Good Morning!" She looked me in the eye for a second and then looked away and then walked over to d5 and started chatting with her.
The WAW then grilled me on where d17 was and why was she not with me. I told her that she was with her friends as they had graduation practice this morning. d17 had told her mother this as I was in the room when she called and told her. WAW said she did not know that. I replied, that I was under the impression that she knew the plan. She replied, oh, well maybe I forgot. I then wished her a good day and left.

I chuckled as I drove off to work. The reaction of MIL and WAW just seemed humorous to me.

I had a great day, and my close friend called to check in on me, and as we were talking I mentioned that I was going to be at the graduation that night. He said he thought it was the following week and had been meaning to tell me that he and his wife had discussed coming and bringing their family to support d17. I told him it was that night and we appreciated the support, but not to worry if they were unable to attend. He replied, oh, we will be able to attend, I just need to know where it is at.
I was excited, as he has been my friend since I was a kid, and his family and mine had interacted a lot over the years. d17 had played with his kids since she was younger and I knew she would be excited.

I picked both d's up from their mothers house, as d17 had gone there later in the day after being with her friends. She wanted to go to dinner with me and d5 before the graduation ceremony. So we went to our favorite BBQ place. D17 seemed down throughout dinner. She shared that being with her mother and her family was draining and that she was not feeling confident. She was sad because she did not think she would have many friends at graduation and her family is split up and she is trying to head out after high school with out friends nor family. It made me sad, but I listened and tried to encourage her. She had several panic attacks as we ate, but seemed to gather herself by the time we left for her graduation.

So that night at the graduation, we dropped d17 off early for the set up, and then d5 and I went to the field it was going to be on to get a seat. As we went d5 needed to go to the restroom. As we went, we ran into WAW. She did not acknowledge me, but spoke directly to d5 and said that she could take her into the women restroom. When they came out, she again chose not to acknowledge me as she spoke to d5 and indicated that she would see her after the ceremony with d17.
She then went off to sit with her family in the stands.

My friend and family arrived and we had a great time. He has a son just older than d5 and they were adorable keeping each other entertained, but in a manner that was respectful for the families around us.

At the end of the ceremony, d17 called me so we could coordinate a location on the field to meet. There were so many people. It took a bit to get to the location and d17 was not there yet so we waited a few minutes. Then WAW showed up. The look on her face when she saw me, and my friend and his family was not a pleasant one. In fact she was actually rude when my friend and his wife said hello.
D17 showed up a couple of minutes later and was all smiles, and said hello and hugged me and d5 and everyone of the members of friends family. She was so tickled to have them there supporting her. She then notices the sour look on her mothers face and then asked her what was wrong. I did not hear the conversation, but d17 told me after she was angry that I brought my friend and his family as she wanted it to just be our family. D17 said, your family is here, so how was dad supposed to know.

D17 has asked over and over for certain events to just include our family even with the D happening, and WAW refuses. Her request for it to just be the 4 of us after the ceremony made no sense as she never communicated such a thing.

So WAW storms off as we were trying to take photos for d17. We spend 5 minutes or so doing so, and then my friend and his family congratulate d17 and head home.

D17 then says she needs to call her mom as she was angry. She calls and I hear, "Mom, do you want me to come and take some pictures with you and your family?' Yes, I will come alone, no, MOM, stop!! Stop, I will be right over. Yes, I will come alone."

D17, then hands me her phone, has a look of desperation in her face, and then says, "Why can't she stop making it about her? This is supposed to be my night. Grrrr" and then she heads off into the crowd t find her mother and her family.

About 15 minutes later she comes back to me and d5 and we walk with her for a bit as she meets with friends and takes pics.
We then headed for home. d17 then expressed her frustration at her mother as when she went over to see her and her family she was bawling. d17 said that she refused to take any pictures, because she was crying. She said the family was good though as they just ignored her and focused on d17. Congratulating her and taking pictures. d17 was upset and stated, that once again, her mother made it about her, when it should not have been. This just makes me sad.

But on a positive note, after she finished venting about her mother, she reported feeling great after the ceremony, and that her mother was no longer going to take her excitement and happiness away. She said that she had friends come up to her all night as well as teachers and administrators and that she realized she had more friends than she thought. She loved the valedictorians speech and told me how it will apply for her and moving forward. She was one proud girl and I was an even more proud papa. It was a great night in spite of the behavior of WAW.

Friday. I took the signed finance agreement to my L. There were some issues with the form, but he said that he could run it by WAW lawyer and it should be fine, in spite of the issues. HE said that I could also talk with WAW and divide the finances if she agreed even before the L confirmation and submission to the court.

I texted WAW and asked if she could call so I could explain the situation. She replied Saturday with, What do you need. I replied, To speak with you about some updates with the finance agreement. She replied hours later, What is it? I replied, It would be easier to explain if you could call. Sunday morning she replied, Either text me the info or send it to my L. I did not reply.

WAW had a "party for d17 at her new place with her family only. D17 said it was really a party for her mother. D17 was going to attend for a couple of hours and then go to her friends graduation party.

d17 called me early, and I asked if she was okay as I did not expect to hear from her. She said that she was okay, but she was out on a walk as she could only take so much being with her mother and her family. She indicated that she had to walk out several times. She would not tell me details of why, but preferred to talk of her plans and excitement for life after high school.

Saturday d17 attended a couple off graduation get togethers for her friends and I got some things done around the place to keep myself busy.

It was a good weekend, but not much Gal for me as I was running d17 around for her festivities, but it was worth it.

Sunday, we decided to relax at home. We slept in until 7 and then went for a jog. We went to a late breakfast at a new place that d17 really enjoyed. We then grabbed some groceries and did some cleaning and organizing around the place in anticipation of moving soon. We watched Bridge of spies, which was a good movie.

D17 had another rough go with her mother as she called her to ask if she could give her a ride to a babysitting gig on Monday. Her mom said she could not because she had to stay home for some repairman to come by. She then told her she could take her, if she would come and stay overnight. d17 asked how her staying over at her mothers house changed that she needed to be home for a repairman. her mom did not have a good answer. D17 also said, with her parents over, where would she sleep as there is only one other bed in her house. No answer for that either. D17 is really getting tired of the game her mother seems to play to get her over to spend time together.

This is getting long, so I will jump to this morning. I dropped both of my daughters off at their mothers house and when I did so I brought over some of the things WAW had requested. I mentioned to her that I had taken Friday off, so she would need to drop d5 off in the morning. (this is important, because WAW has never had to drop d5 off to me, due to my work schedule.) Her response was, of course you did and rolled her eyes. It is a 4 day weekend for me with the rotation of last weekend, d5 will be with me until Wednesday. It was her request. Now she is upset, because she will not see d5.
She then handed me a shoebox. i asked what it was and as I opened it, I see that it is the Looney Tune figurines that she had taken from me when she moved out. I said, thank you, I appreciate this. Her reply with another eye roll was, "Well since you wanted them so bad, here they are."
I replied, have a great day and thank you again. I left, and smiled all the way to work.
What is her angle in returning them I wonder..........rhetorical question......because I simply do not care right now.
The final thing to journal tonight, I checked my email and she sent an email last night that says,
Hi,

Did you get the money agreement signed? I would like to go and transfer my amount over to my account. Then we can be closer to being done.

Thanks,

Funny, she did not want to talk to me about it or we could have had his done last Saturday. Oh well, her circus, her monkeys, clowns, acrobats, and bearded ladies.

As for how I am doing personally.
I have gained back some of the pounds I lost from the depression diet. I am sleeping now through out the night. Without sleeping meds. It has been several weeks since any anxiety attacks or anti anxiety meds. I have gotten back to jogging each morning, depression has not been a thing for me of late. I feel giddy thinking about a future where I am being successful, with people that trust me, believe in me, and love me for who I am, flaws and all.
I do have some worry about the sensation of some strong feelings like sadness, anger, contentment, happiness, loss, all under the surface, but not actually taking shape. I don't want to say that I am numb, but I am kind of in a trance of sorts. I am seeking material about happiness, confidence, success, and service for others, but I am doing well and feeling dare I say good. Just not sure how to describe it, so I will push on.

Thanks for keeping up with me, and I hope this was not a ramble, but this is a continuation of my story and journey since the BD several months ago.

And yes, I know.
Start a new thread.
Geez, never thought I would be here long enough to get the hang of he rules for a forum, but here I am.

[SH_]

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