Could you give me a sense of how different your & your H's libido were? For example, he'd like to do it every night and you're more like once a month?
Also, maybe your drive is very much attached subconsciously to your H's behavior. Is he a good partner in other ways? Does it do his fair share of housework and child-rearing?
This is a bit tricky, because it hasn't been constant throughout our marriage. For example, there are a couple of years when kids were young that are kind of a blur of sleep exhaustion and I was also very "touched out."
Pre BD, I'd say I was more a once-a-week person and he preferred every other day.
Right now, we're intimate over 50% of the days. Oddly, I find that I miss it of we go more than a day in between. I didn't used to.
H is a great partner in other ways.
I do wonder if some of the distancer-pursuer dynamic got mixed up in this. Our early marriage was dominated by his family, and I didn't maintain my precious friends much. This is a new idea for me, but since so much time has passed, I don't know if my memory is accurate enough to really analyze this angle.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Andrew and EDF, thank you so much for taking time to post!
This is a very busy week, so it might be a day or two before I have time to respond to them in more detail, but I appreciate your contributions.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Pre BD, I'd say I was more a once-a-week person and he preferred every other day.
I'm glad I asked because this seems like a fairly small difference, in my book. Definitely not anything ***I*** would walk out of a good marriage for. I'm not saying you don't work on that difference, but come on!!! There are guys in this forum (myself included) who would contemplate a lot worse, just for the sake of keeping the marriage together for the kids.
I think your H is being ridiculously selfish for even contemplating walking away from your M for that small of a difference. I mean, if you're 25 and single? Fine, do whatever your penis tells you. But with kids still at home, you're gonna walk away because you only get laid once a week instead of every day? I'm sorry. Sick of parents being so self-centered.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/17/1601:30 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
