@Cherry, Regarding eating, I find that drinking soup helps, there is no effort in chewing and one still gets in those nutrients.
@sadhub, I also find that focusing on my breathing really helps me to sleep and relax, it blocks everything out and i slowly drift off. When i awake during the night i do the same, and i'm back to sleep in a minute or so.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I think your junk food analogy about spousal contact is dead on, Painter. I crave it, yet it leaves me feeling sick - both heart sick, and physically sick. Definitely liking the time off from both. I'm so sorry that you had a rough time after hearing from you own H. It really is a difficult trigger. Try not to read too much into anything he writes.
I'll be sure to drink plenty of water. I've been on this dose many times in the past, and I've always tolerated it well, but I do know my BP gets a bit low on it. On the other hand, my tolerance for the shakes is at an all time low, so I'm going to take it. Shaky this morning again, but that's definitely from food deficiency, and nothing new.
SadHub, your'e off to a great start on your meditation! I did 15 minutes yesterday evening, and it was OK. I had a hard time getting non-focused! Road noise kept invading my mental space. I tried again last night before bed, and found myself falling asleep, so I guess I was doing a better job. After 10 minutes I thought I couldn't possibly stay awake, so I called it off. Here's the kicker, though, After that I lay awake for HOURS, so that was frustrating. Eventually I got to sleep with some pharma intervention and then overslept, but I needed it.
I just did 20 minutes of meditation again, and did a better job, but I did find myself having thoughts that took me a bit of time to recognize and then release. Still, it was a much better session than either of yesterday's attempts, so I'll call it a success.
I have an appointment with my therapist again this afternoon, and I have to go gather up my chickens before I head out. It's a beautiful day here and they're out having a jolly time doing birdie things. I have found a lot of solace in my animals over the last few months.
Oh, I forgot - I saw The Jungle Book yesterday. My two companions really liked it, and I told them I agreed, but, honestly, I thought it was just OK. I wasn't that fond of the little kid (on his behalf, it's got to be pretty tough to act authentically when you are just standing in front of a green screen, as the movie is all CG), and the movie was filmed in 3D, which I always find to be just a silly gimmick. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I really did, however, enjoy getting out and spending time with other people, so overall I had a great time.
Wishing everyone a day of peace and healing.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Phoebe, you sound so good. Your whole demeanor and tone has shifted so much for the better. I'm so glad you're finding some peace and happiness in the middle of this mad ride. Chickens are the best! Just sitting in the sun listening to them cluck and coo and peck is so calming. Do you have any of them that will cuddle? It seems the RIRs are the most people-friendly ones, my son used to carry one around when he was little.
I'm not so great with meditating unless it's guided. I have a favorite one with Deepak Chopra downloaded to my computer. His voice is very soothing!
Meditation can be difficult if you're going through a traumatic event. For some people with severe anxiety, it's not even always recommended. I found out when my stepdaughter tried it and was advised not to do it. Don't judge yourself on how you 'do' with a meditation!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
It's always important to be careful with betablockers, esp since you have lost weight. It's good to have a BP machine at home--there are ones from the drugstore that can also check pulse. If you feel dizzy when you stand (orthostatic) that is a sign it may be too much. Wouldn't hurt to check BP and pulse a couple times a day. Just sayin :-) Also, trazadone is probably the best (less side effects) sleep aid out there--not sure if this is against board policy--but it may be worth asking your doc about it if you really can't sleep.
The meditation is great! I def should have done that more to keep myself calm and get centered. Instead I turned to some other naughty habits, that probably weren't good for me ...
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Your whole demeanor and tone has shifted so much for the better. I'm so glad you're finding some peace and happiness in the middle of this mad ride. Chickens are the best! Just sitting in the sun listening to them cluck and coo and peck is so calming. Do you have any of them that will cuddle? It seems the RIRs are the most people-friendly ones, my son used to carry one around when he was little. 
