Sparkling none the wiser

[Sparkls]

Hey Tim and TY.

I'm having a particularly hard month (just a lot of bad anniversaries, including the one year for my mom). While my job is incredibly fulfilling and I love it there, when I come home its to a house I live in alone. Thank god for my dogs or I'd just live at the hospital.

I feel like I"m back peddling the last few weeks. I was doing well until I got called by the victims advocate people about his hearing date and plea deal. I guess I had shoved him out of my mind enough to have some semblance of moving on but got sucked right back in.

I've had zero contact since april. Haven't seen him since Feb (aside from court). I'm just struggling with how can it be that easy for him to just walk away and for him to truly not care how I'm doing or how his dogs are doing etc. His new life must be something else. (and I know that's 100% mind reading and projection on my part, my DB is rusty).

I'm glad some people in our group got their happy endings or at least are on their way there.

As much as my logical mind is telling me I'm better off, I can't help but still wish I had been one of them.

[TimR]

Hey Sparkls and Tyler Good to hear from you both.

Sparkls we all have ups and downs. Your sitch is peculiar too bc you moved away and had no contact only to have stuff thrust on you every so often. Naturally, that is going to pull you back into some old feelings. That really [censored] and I am sorry to hear you are dealing with it... along with your professional stresses. But rest assured those feelings will diminish too. Besides work (and I know you do not have a lot of time otherwise) but what are you doing for you, to make you happy?

Sparkls a happy ending will come for you too. You are young, intelligent and beautiful, how could it not. More so, having gone through this you will appreciate it so much more.

[Rouky]

Hi Sparkls, I fully agree with Tim: what are you doing to make you happy? You are still young and have your life ahead of you. Don't rush things.

[Sparkls]

Thanks guys.
Yeah free time is basically limited to eating, bathing, walking the dogs and the occasional Netflix show. When ya work 70-80 hours a week, there's not much time for much else aside from the occasional hang out with friends, who I do also get to see at work all day.

It was just a particularly rough month, got me feeling down on myself again, wondering if I gave up too easily or walked away without fighting for my relationship. But I also know he didn't fight for me at all: I walked away and he never turned around; hasn't asked how I am or how his dogs are. That wayward fog is thick and i was blinded by it; I got out to save myself but I can't help feeling like I gave up on him. Logically I know it's not my responsibility to save him but that's not who I am. I'm a fixer / healer. "Saving myself" isnt in my nature, I have always sacrificed myself for others. And I'm not sure I want to change that. Just gotta find the balance, I'm getting there. Everything with time I suppose

[Phoebe]

Hey, Miss Sparkls!! I'm glad to see you again. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I think that's absolutely normal. I just try to tell myself that this is a process that I am working through, and that every day brings an incremental bit of healing. There are good weeks and iffy days, but we just need to keep forging ahead. What is important is the genet trend, and you are doing great.

((((((((Sparkls))))))))

[Sparkls]

So I must be cursed. That's the only conclusion I can come to.

I'm working overnight at the hospital and I get a call from the police. There's a fire at my house. My dogs are all fine.
One of my dogs was trying to get something off the counter and knocked a burner on, which caught a book on fire etc. so now I'm staying in a hotel. My kitchen is Screwed and there's smoke damage throughout the rest of the house. But everyone's okay, dogs are okay.

Just can't catch a break. Sheesh.
Sad thing: one of the thoughts I had: man, his dogs could've died tonight and he would've had no clue. Wtf is wrong with him.

[Rouky]

Hello Sparkls, so glad to hear that you are save and your dogs too. Have you moved back home? How is it going for you?

[Sparkls]

Sadly no. The damage was limited to the kitchen but there was extensive smoke damage, it'll be 3-6 months before im back in the house and 90% of everything I own is trashed. Lovely.
And I'm working 80+hours a week. So ya know, very little sleep.

[J5K]

Welcome to Michigan Sparkls!