Breath Red... He did this to hurt you because he thinks that you are going out to hurt him.
He believes that you stop loving him long before, is that right?
Now he needs to get it back to you. Breath and let it go. Cry, scream, break a plate somewhere far from the kids. You need to let all those bad emotions out of your system.
Once you feel calmer, then think. Maybe you get all the pictures yourself and replace them with some of the kids.
Adding to my comments I wrote in my last post to you - He is very sarcastic and cruel. He wants to see if you are still there and if he has any impact on you. He made you burst into tears and then left. He got what he was looking for, that it all hurts you because you still cares about him.
It would be nice if it is not sick. Think about you Red. Let go on the stupid things he is doing. Pictures are just that pictures. I understand the symbolism on that but at the end of the day the pictures can be hanging on the wall forever and he is still gone forever.
So, what is important here?
Think Red, and let the elephants out of the room. Clean your head and think of what is really important. Don't get confused. Do not get all worked out and sign any paper for him. Read everything before signing it even if he says it is important and he needs it urgent.
Be careful, be aware... do not trust the alien that is living inside your H right now.
He was semi annoyed I went out and ignored his calls. He called about netflix 3x. 3 missed calls then I answered: whats this show on netflix the kids want to watch? Umm idk ok bye. A few more calls. Hello? Oh now you wanna answer well i dont need you know..okay? Okay bye. 2-3 missed calls later. I found the show on netflix. Im like ok? Thats it? He is like yes. He texted me to ask if I was home safe yet. Then this Today.
I feel like anytime he acts like he cares or misses me he HAS to find a way to show me he doesnt.
He called me a little ago to ask me a question but then he said hes sorry he made me cry even though he did it to himself. He didnt think it would make me cry. I said Im fine and ended the call.
I like the idea of putting up photos of the kids on my dresser and wall. I hate it looking so empty in here. I noticed he cleaned off my dresser and closet as well.
I don't know why he wants to hurt me to see if I care. It is just mean. Just really mean. He says he knows me inside and out so He knew it would hurt me. Plus he did it again where I say Nothing and let(try to) go and he pushes me asking non stop until I crack. I said I was fine probably 20 times before I snapped and cried.
That is true. I let something so small really crush me today. He can and might be gone forever so what does a picture matter. I'll leave them in my closet. I was half tempted to put them back up but I just dont want to anymore.
The only thing important is me and the kids right now.
I dont trust the alien. I wont sign or do anything pink. I really won't. Im not ruining my future and my kids.
The only thing important is me and the kids right now.
I dont trust the alien. I wont sign or do anything pink. I really won't. Im not ruining my future and my kids.
Use this statement and thought process to help free yourself and detach more. At the end of the day, on your deathbed, the only guarantee is that you will have yourself and you will be the mother of your children.
I'm swamped at work right now, but I'm sending out a bear hug. Remember: Strong and confident, detached and PMA. Put on your tinfoil hat and do not let the alien control you!
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Hey Red, I'm so sorry that your emotions are being toyed with that way. I think you just have to be tough - he's wanting to see your reaction and that you still care. He prides himself on that. I love the idea of hanging up more pictures of the kiddos, add some of you and the kiddos as well. Just let it roll off like water on a ducks back. He's being ugly about and you know that little thing called karma...it comes around! He'll reap what he sows, and watch you rise above. You got this mama!
Red, I think you are going for the long haul. It is absurd and confusing, but what he has in his mind may be all a bunch of anger on himself. Issues not confronted for a long time and now it all explodes inside of him.
Who would be the best one to blow up on? YOU. Yes, you are the easy target, you are there to listen to all his stupidities. So do not bother yourself as much. I know it hurts, but we all know it is hurting him more.
Deep inside he cares about you, but right now he needs to blame someone else for his turmoil and you are the one he can blame. So, he is angry at you when he knows he is angrier at himself.
Rearrange the closet, rearrange the room even. Make it yours. Do you have pink or girlish sheets? Put it there. Make it comfortable for you, the girl.
It is a message without words. Go around the house and get the kids pictures up. It won't offend him because they are his kids, but it will remind him that you accept his choice of leaving.
Believe me, it does not stop there. You will need a lot of strength to handle it all.
About the calls and texts I have a different opinion. I don't think it is productive to ignore him totally. As you are doing, he knows you are pissed and he knows what he needs to do to get to you.
Think about a 180 that he does not know. For example. If you get a text, don't just ignore it. Give sometime and then answer him with some fun. There is anything fun you guys had when you were at the start of your R. Bring it up in a very small scale.
Like a smiley face, or a tiny quote w/a little cat, bird, dog. Make it fun. Remind him how it was in a very discrete way.
If he calls, you may not answer him. Once you decide to answer, be prepare to not let him talk first. Start telling him about something silly like: Oh! H, you won't believe but our S was eating ice cream and asked for a 2nd one, I couldn't believe this kid can eat so much! HAhahaha!.
Or maybe something else that is fun. Don't go to "about us" subject. I mention the kids because it is for both of you to have fun. It is also a reminder of the family you built together.
No straight words, just a general thing, talk, to make things less heavy. To remind him that life can be fun as a family.
And, he may start thinking about what he is missing.
It won't be resolved in a day or two sweetie. But it is a process. If you are crunching in a corner, it does not matter how much GAL you want to show him, because he is reading you, and your actions are showing it all different.
You do not need to prove you don't care, because he knows you do. Show him you can be fun, spontaneous, charismatic, a wonderful mom. And expect him flipping even more. Be prepare for when he wants to bite your head off.
Do yourself a favor and get yourself out of the anger. You will look better if you are not angry.
Pink
Last edited by Cadet; 02/10/1601:15 PM. Reason: start a new thread message
Go out get new pictures done, printed of you and the kids, of kids and pets and of YOU. Even an amateur friend, have a girlie giggle night and go to it, pictures of each other. Smiling laughing, blowing kisses at the camera.
I have just booked a glamour modelling session with pictures and they are going to be full size.
You betcha if you did that it will get his notice!
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
