I think any fear I've had of the women's lib movement is that if this model is cast out, I don't know where I fit in. As women don't need men for protection or stability, and the idea of being expected to provide sexually is becoming a social indignation, I feel useless and ashamed of my needs.
When you say 'men seem to want it that way' I can only speak for myself when I say "YES". NOT that I want to simply pay for sex, but that I do want a way in which I can have my sexual needs validated and satisfied. Not to say my only contribution of a marriage is money, frankly I longed for more quality time and companionship as well, but only because I would've done about anything for a partner that understood my physical needs and cared for me enough to prioritize them.
It sounds like yours is the classic struggle for men trying to redefine their gender role.
So if you have a partner with emotional needs, who wants them validated and satisfied, shouldn't it be possible to create a R based on seeing each other as humans instead of man and woman? A woman will do anything for a man who satisfies her emotional needs and cares for her enough to prioritize them.
I truly believe that it is easy for a man in a loving R to keep seducing his woman. The problem is when the man becomes stubborn and refuses to make the littlest effort, and instead demands (expects her to provide for his needs) what was initially given freely as a response to his loving care.
From the woman's POV, it's like bait and switch. A man shows himself from his best side until they're married, then he promptly stops wearing a shirt around the house and starts complaining about the food and takes for granted what he used to romance her for. And tells her she overreacts when she feels neglected.
And then they complain about how the woman changed.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Last edited by Cadet; 05/13/1605:31 AM. Reason: Link
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
