What I keep circling back to, is, this one constant. H has always been really worried about aging in himself and those around him. It scares him and he avoids it. There were glimpses of it pre-MLC and now it's ballooned.
I think about what I can do differently in my sitch. There are certainly things I can do. But, still I am going to age. If he can't come to terms with that first, then there is nothing I really should do. It's all wasted effort.
And now, even if he does wake up, I am not sure if I can trust that he really is okay with the realities of aging.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I think that if we look back over the years, many of the MLCing spouses had a flaws, but we choose to overlook them and/or accept those flaws and them as they were. Yes, we all have flaws, but I think that most people learn to correct those flaws as they get older. Unfortunately, the MLCer didn't have good coping skills as young adults and they certainly don't have them today.
They are truly afraid of getting old, having health and mental problems and yes death. If you ever notice, they can't be around people who are sick for very long and they really have a terrible time dealing w/the death of a loved one or a close friend.
There is no guarantee that they can accept the aging process...but again, traveling the MLC path should help w/some of that once they've lived that childhood again and start to grow up. It has been said by some who have traveled the course, that they become more settled and accept that life does go on and they become more mature and accepting of mortality. Right now, they are scared to death that they aren't going to get that opportunity to try things one more time. We, on the other hand, are able to cope, accept who we are, i.e., warts, wrinkles, etc. We can be around ill people and yes, even deal w/the death of a loved one or a friend. We are grown and mature.
Time will tell who comes out of the oven well done and who needs to stay in there a while longer.
HaWho, I think I've tripped the posting limit for you. It's time for a new thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
