I feel like I have detached, probably about 80 to 90% there. As far as GAL, I have enough to keep me busy with housework and just teaching the kids things and taking care of them. We went to the gym today and plan on going to church tomorrow and the gym again tomorrow. I can do NC also and just talk about the boys if required.
Do I speak with her about behavioral issues and inform her? LRT then for me are to quit smoking and get the house organized, not get angry which was easy because now I don't since I am not walking on eggshells anymore. The only other part is the financial portion which is minimal. The boys have everything they need, tons of clothes and so do I so the only thing we spend money on is food and the utility bills. Only other thing I can do is reduce the cable bill and turn off the alarm to the house which I do not want to do to protect my family.
As you and Sandi said, a lot of the things are fickle. I will try my best to distance myself from conversations on custody and splitting of the assets. She will just be upset because it will mean spending more money at trial and she knows the outcome would be in my favor.
My therapist did say that I should be the one with the boys about two months ago. We have not gone to mediation yet and not sure if that is what she will choose, she is just the type of person that wants to plow through everything and move forward.
The flowers were a bad idea. No phone call today so far. LOL! Worth a try but I guess I need to do a better job at following the rules.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I don't want to sound insentitive to what you are dealing with in your life. As an outsider, I am seeing a man who is putting so much time, focus and energy into a woman who is so unstable that she could wreck the lives of five little children. She is telling you that she is detaching from her own children more every day!! Those words alone, should make you quake in your shoes. You don't know what she is capable of doing, and she has already shown that she is not putting their mental, emotional, or physical needs before her own. Please wake up and realize what is more important now.
Throw those relationship books away that teach unconditional love no matter the cost. That message you are receiving from reading those books is out of total context in this situation with your wayward wife. And, btw, the keyword is wayward. You do not show or extend unconditional love by giving over to the desires of the wayward. Rather, you must rely upon you own God given intelligence and senses, and turn to the professionals who have the skill to assistant you. Stop dealing with her and give it over to the lawyer/judge. Stop talking to her hours at a time about the boys. Just stop it all.
To put it very bluntly, to me, it appears as if you are trying to find a solution where you can kiss up to your WW with the least amount of collateral damage. It won't work. First of all b/c she is wayward and she is not going to feel appeased ENOUGH to go back into the M/home/family the way you are hoping upon hope. All those books are a waste of time if they are not dealing with the source of the problem. This is not some woman who felt unfulfilled or abused and left the home. She is wayward. She doesn't want you. All this stuff about you moving up there is nothing more than her wanting a full time babysitter, b/c she knows she has no plans in keeping those five kids all the time. She is going to continue dating, and you have already said you couldn't handle it........so yeah, you are a man kissing tail. It will not work.
Stop trying to find a way to make things better for her. Stop trying to fix her problems. And, for right now.........(I am going to make an anti DB statement).......stop trying to save the M, b/c is seems it will be at the risk of the emotional lives of the children, just for her to continue her wayward life style. If you will untangle yourself from her web, I think you will be see what is happening.
I have no doubt about you wanting what is best for your children. I just think you, like every LBS, are very confused and are trying to do things you need to let go of. She made a commitment to you and another five times over for those little boys. Now, she is feeling detached? Let that be a warning. A very big warning!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Your wife has been through IVF and adoption and now she is saying she doesn't want to parent full time. What do you think that means? Curious as to your thoughts and conclusions about this.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
