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job #2636430 12/30/15 06:50 PM
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LoisB Offline OP
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Thank you Job :-) I will email you my new number.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2636434 12/30/15 07:00 PM
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Okay...only when you have a moment.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2636533 12/31/15 12:19 AM
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Originally Posted By: LoisB
Honestly, I know my process maybe isn't what is recommended or whatever... but, it's mine. It's been stops and starts and letting go and picking up the rope, dropping it, stomping on it, setting it on fire, repairing it, duct taping it back together, dropping it again and whatever... But, I'm still moving forward and grasping the reality as it is today.
Heather, I know what you are saying. I’ve been through a couple the same “exercises” myself. My friends and family just shake their head watching me going through this, but I keep telling them that it is my process and they cannot just “fix” me by telling me what I need to do.

You are truly doing remarkable job in terms of keep moving on and getting what you want in life. Your Ds can also see this. They are inspired to do well. Look at your D’s 3.75 GPA! Great job!

Wishing you a great 2016!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Just to be clear, it obvious you have come leaps and bounds. Your process is your process. I just know you know what you are doing by keeping him on that little bit of a thread.

You sound better, your kids sound like they are doing good, you are taking great steps of living within your means. I just wouldn't want to see anything get in the way of that.

But clearly, you've got it handled! Happy New Years!

Ginger1 #2636789 12/31/15 04:31 PM
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Ginger, that may be one of the most disturbing posts I've ever read on here... Felt like I was getting a message from God or... My mother.

My vent was a vent. I shared a vent with folks I thought would understand, as opposed to holding it in and having my kids take the brunt of my heavy feelings. I still struggle with how a vent on these boards seems to open the door to a storm of "critiques" and inventory taking.

I may be holding onto him by a thread. I don't know. I will always hope he finds his way home. But, if I am, I've put enough distance between us to prevent him from threatening our new lives.

As I get healthier, I find myself attracted... Not to individuals who cast judgment and analysis, but to people who simply accept me for being wherever I am and trust... Without any vague forebodings... That I will figure this day out, just like I've figured out the past four years.

I have a solid foundation of codependency behind me. Lots of abandonment and a mom who is back with a man who cheated multiple times and abused her emotionally and abused us in virtually every way. I will always have to be on guard when it comes to using men as a drug and distraction. It's taken me a long time to reach this point where I'm able let him go as much as I have. Progress not Perfection.

To the newcomers.... This is a journey. Most of us landed here honestly with plenty of baggage from our past. This is an individual journey and there is no sweeping blanket formula out. It's one day atta time and requires a large amount of honesty and self-reflection and courage. Your Journey is YOURS. Comparisons will get you nowhere.

Listen to how others walked through the fire and take what fits for you. But, don't let someone else's analysis stop you from doing what works for you. Pray hard. Listen to the direction God gives you.

These boards have needed, in my opinion, some structure I regards to feedback and crosstalk. People here are struggling through some enormous shame and hurt... There's the potential to do a lot of damage when a person is really vulnerable. Just my two cents.

Last edited by LoisB; 12/31/15 04:33 PM.

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2636801 12/31/15 04:41 PM
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I am lost to as to what is disturbing, but sorry I have disturbed you so much. I've been on here almost 8 years. I've been dealing for 8 years with many ups and downs. I have never had an ill intention on here, and I have close, IRL friends from here I have made as life long friends because we all have been through the gammut. Don't think I haven't had a million vents on here, some rational, some irrational. I can only thank those who propelled me forward in having me look deeper at what I already know.

Posters who have left this board from my time are absolutely right on why they don't come back anymore. Posting out of actual caring and wanting to help just offends everyone these days.

Don't think for a second I don't know what posters suffer through on here. I've been at this a very long time, and I "suffered" too.

Again, I am sorry if you read something as I said damaging, but I've only pointed something out to have you look inwardly at a reality. To show you what power you have. I thanked the people who did it for me, it was life changing. But like I said, this is why I don't post to you, and probably should have kept my keyboard shut. I only spoke out because I thought it could be helpful obviously not.

Ginger1 #2636805 12/31/15 04:46 PM
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Sad thing is, I really meant those compliments. I think your progress is wonderful. Oh well, my time here is up.

Ginger1 #2636812 12/31/15 05:05 PM
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I appreciate your kindness in sharing I do. What's hard for me... When someone says, "You are doing such and such..."

Or, I hate to see you screw this up by doing such-and-such...

I wish there were more shares written in first person, as opposed to blanket statements...

Like, hey, so-and-so, when I read your post, I'm reminded of when I did this... This is what I did to get past that...

My thoughts are aimed at the board as a whole. I have felt for a long time that, when people are so vulnerable, it's easy to forget people are clinging to life preservers here and without some posting structure---keep it to "I" statements, don't dole out advice, keep it based to your own experience, etc... I think there's a recipe for abuse... Even with best intentions.

Sorry If I attacked, but I'm sensitive to being told what I'm doing or what I should do. I'm trying so hard to trust my own voice and process.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2636815 12/31/15 05:16 PM
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Sorry Ginger. I think I read more into it than there was. I read your post again and I see what you are saying. I apologize.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2636819 12/31/15 05:40 PM
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I never tell anyone what they should be doing or what they shouldn't be doing. Not my place to say.

However, there are things that one can do or not do which have direct results. You don't have to do them, but they do have results. That was what I was pointing out to you. You know the bit of thread keeps him around. And perhaps that what you want. But if your desired effect is to have him leave you alone, you know what you have to do. Which isn't what you should to do, or what you have to do. Not my place to say. it's just what is going to result if you take that action.

I accept your apology, no worries. There wasn't more to it than what I said. I am usually pretty blunt as to not leave room for people to interpret what is or isn't there. I like to be straight forward to avoid situations like these:)

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