My problem is I am a puppy dog, I am too loyal to the idea of marriage, the idea of for better or for worst. This is the worst right so I should stay and fight. While that sounds noble on paper, it does nothing for me in the long haul. Learning, adapting, growing have to be my salvation. I need to create a new life for myself and use all this as motivation.
In what way is that noble? I find it noble when people are working through the hardships of marriage, when people stay even when their spouse is chronically ill, etc. All the reasons when they would not betray their vows. But you're D'ed now. There are no more vows, no one to betray.
I wonder if the finality of your D has sunk in yet. I'm saying so because you've been D'ed for almost a year now. You seem to think that going forward is a choice, but it's really the only thing you have. You're not dropping any option, leaving anything on the table. I know we talk about leaving the door open and all that, but it may have been overblown in your mind, as if you keeping an eye on that door (like a puppy ;-)) would increase the chances of getting her back. She said she was unhappy, she left, you're D'ed. The rest of your life has begun.
It may be beneficial for you to think of yourself as single, as never having been married. Think of the man you were before you met your XW, how you were available and, maybe, eager to meet someone to share your life with, or maybe just have fun. Think of yourself as free, not burdened.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Noble as defined is having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals. I think it is noble to believe in an ability to heal your family and heal a relationship. I also don’t believe there is any such thing as finality. Any relationship is a fluid entity. I needed no one or any paper to justify how I felt about her. Furthermore, we all have heard stories of relationships rekindling after D, 5 or 10 years later. Similarly, we all know D’ed people with kids have to maintain some kind of relationship that continues.
I realize my erratic posting (or posting only when down or upset) does not give anyone a good indication of where I am. Especially, when I come here to journal, rant, complain, etc.
You’ve always checked in on me and gave me solid guidance. I do agree with a lot in your post and I see some of myself in it and believe in what you have identified. Thank you…
I think I’ve just figured out the new thread name…
Originally Posted By: Mozza
Originally Posted By: mahhhty
My problem is I am a puppy dog, I am too loyal to the idea of marriage, the idea of for better or for worst. This is the worst right so I should stay and fight. While that sounds noble on paper, it does nothing for me in the long haul. Learning, adapting, growing have to be my salvation. I need to create a new life for myself and use all this as motivation.
In what way is that noble? I find it noble when people are working through the hardships of marriage, when people stay even when their spouse is chronically ill, etc. All the reasons when they would not betray their vows. But you're D'ed now. There are no more vows, no one to betray.
I wonder if the finality of your D has sunk in yet. I'm saying so because you've been D'ed for almost a year now. You seem to think that going forward is a choice, but it's really the only thing you have. You're not dropping any option, leaving anything on the table. I know we talk about leaving the door open and all that, but it may have been overblown in your mind, as if you keeping an eye on that door (like a puppy ;-)) would increase the chances of getting her back. She said she was unhappy, she left, you're D'ed. The rest of your life has begun.
It may be beneficial for you to think of yourself as single, as never having been married. Think of the man you were before you met your XW, how you were available and, maybe, eager to meet someone to share your life with, or maybe just have fun. Think of yourself as free, not burdened.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/05/1609:11 PM. Reason: Link
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
