in house S (4)

[Maximus]

NO worries Vise,

We all mess up.

You are still on track anyway.

Keep it up.

max

[vise82]

Hey,

I picked up my kids after school and the teacher tells me youngest was physical to another student, scratched their face. Oldest heard this and said something to the youngest and they started to punch and kick each other. I get them home and they continue to just fight with each other. W comes home and we separate them and try to talk to them.

W goes to older kids event and I stay home with younger son. He is upset he wants to put up the Christmas tree, I tell him we will wait till everyone is home to do it. He is tired and fall asleep on the couch.

W and S6 come home and she is having trouble with him, he wont come in the house, he wants to put up Christmas tree as well. he was having a fit and throwing stuff. He had to go into time out.

When you see your kids acting this way you tend to think its because of the poor relationship between the parents. This is what my W would say before BD and was a reason for us to S. That it was affecting the kids. Well S is affecting them even worse.

Poor guys I can see that they are in pain and do want there parents to be happy together. That's what all kids want.

For me at home my anger has dropped off. I am saying good morning and hello and its more natural. I don't have to force it anymore. I can see she is having a hard time saying it back.

So for the kids I am going to decorate the house, I have the lights up already and tonight the tree is going up. Then when the tree is up I am going to start putting the presents for the in laws under it. Here is the big one, do I get my W something?? I am just wondering if I can use this Christmas momentum to my advantage. All of this is a 180 for me, I was not big on gifts.

[gs9]

Vise,
I struggle with that question too. My D is scheduled to be final on 12.18 but I imagine she'll still be in the house because I have to wait until after the D to refi the house and then another week to pull the equity out. She needs the equity to buy her new place. I will probably get her something small from D4. WW birthday was last week. D4 picked out a card and a $1 box of candy.

[vise82]

Hey,

I just got an email from W. We have not had any talk about selling the house except once and I said we can think about it in the spring, that was weeks ago.

Well she mailed me today. it said that she has been looking at houses and that she entered a contest for a free listing and won. She is saying how good it is that she won and we wont have to pay for a listing and commission. She called it our house which is different. she is making it sound like this great thing.

She wants to know when we are going to list the house for sale, she is saying that the contest people need to know, its a lie because the free listing is good for a year. She is saying they need to know ASAP. And so we can plan to do all the work needed before we sell the house. Meaning all the work I need to do.

I am kind of floored I thought she would of left it alone till the new year. now I have to decide what to say. Why do WW always use email to talk about this tough stuff, the ILYBNILWY was via email. I am questioning her saying that she was OK with me spending Christmas at her parents house.

I think I am in shock right now. How can she expect me to even think about that when I have not been approved for anything yet as far as where I am going to live. I think she is trying to get me in gear to fix up the house for sale as I normally do all that type of stuff. or make me mad enough to not spend Christmas with her family.

I have a GAL with the kids tonight and she told me she wont go this week she is going to the gym. Is this really that easy for her to split up with me?? That winning a contest like that is great news??

I know some of you have said that it might take her moving out to help her realize what she is loosing.

I thought the common thing to do is a separation agreement first before any large sale of anything. A separation agreement she has yet been able to start.

The thought before was that I would say:

since you wanted to separate I have had an awakening and I am focused on working on making me a better person, and a great father to our boys. For me selling the house isn't a priority right now.

[OhGreat]

Just go with the it's not my focus right now. Thanks. Happy thanksgiving and then hit send.

This is older news though right?

[Zues126]

I have had an awakening and I am focused on working on making me a better person

Actions speak louder than words. This falls under rule 34:

Do not ask your spouse if he/she has noticed your changes. Those changes are for you and for the rest of your life...with or without your spouse. If it is just to get your spouse back...they won't last and the same problems will return.

[vise82]

Starting a new thread,

new thread

Looks like W wants to get things moving with the S. And I thought I was getting a month off till the new year before we talked about this.