Thanks Azzork and 2point... always good to hear other peoples thoughts. Definitely helps to keep my mind straight.
To answer some of your questions Azzork. I guess I *thought* all that had to be known before filing. I need to do serious research. I am a newb, have not looked into the process at all. My original thought was let her go through the dirty work but it is taking too long. So I hope that explains a bit why I ask some silly questions.
Amicable is the wrong word I guess. Friendship after is not an option. What I mean is that I want the process to be as simple as possible. No lawyers. The last thing I want to have happen is for her to be like forget this, he is being an A and try to take too much. I have too much to lose. If that makes any sense? Actually, I do not see why this couldn't be friendly. I do not think there is any bitterness involved.
Thanks for the last comments. I see what you are saying there. I guess there wouldn't be any point in an actual conversation about it. If I want it, I could just file and tell her the day before like you mention.
2point0... can you elaborate a bit? Seems like you have a regret. How did you toss the gift of time out the window? I'll have to dig through your thread. What options do you mean? I feel like I have no options.
This is why I love this forum, always get asked the questions that makes me go back and think. Keeps me from doing anything foolish most of the time. Thanks again!
So will moving forward be different with D vs. things as they are today? I'm trying to figure out my own answer to this.
Thanks for the thoughts Enigma. Yes, I think things would be different. My mind set would be different, it would be over and I would not be able to talk to her again. Right now, I know I have to interact with her again for divorce, taxes etc... I would get to start over. By the end of 2016, I need to be in a better place in every way. Hopefully a new job, probably a new house, my MBA will be done, and I want this done as well. Things would definitely be different post divorce in terms of my mindset.
I was thinking of Azzork's question... Do I want a divorce? No, obviously that is not what I want. But I am never going to want that. But just because I do not want it does not mean that it is the wrong move. There comes a time when you have to accept things for what they are and move on. If I got let go from a job I really liked for basically no reason, I would be mad, but I would go find a new one and do an even better job. I have been given no reason to think that anything will improve.
Again not going to do anything drastic, just trying to think things through. In a weird way, I almost wish she would file and get the process started. It would just be a load off my shoulders. Thanks for the support as always.
Pinn I will expand on my comments earlier while not hijacking your thread.
About time lost- I had a moment of weakness and jumped when my L said jump not when my heart told me it was time. And it started the countdown. I was too emotionally attached to the idea of OM and where that was leading. It caused a heavy fog to surround and hinder my ability to follow my plan and not my feelings. I read about others who have been at this for years. I can not say I would have that kind of strength but I also can not say I would not.
To save my M is the greatest hope of all and I would love to say I accomplished that at some point in the future. From what I get about DB there is a #1 priority to focus on first. I am developing a better 2point0. Creating 2point0.2.0. I still have the gift of time for this goal.
Your options are plenty. You can sit back and wait. You can DB with everything it takes or none at all. You are in a position where the tips and advice you find here are all available actions for you. It may or may not work to save your M but it will work to make a better Pinn.
Wow this is such a deep post, I have been in a state of separation from my W for a year now. She has been living with OM this entire time. I was told she had started the D paperwork now I find out she decided not to finish. I had decided to move on based off her telling me she filed already, even though I am still married, but I have been wondering daily these past few months. "What do I want, how do I see my life now and in the future. What will make ME happy. All these things I have realized take time. And not just tick tock. Time but interspective time, honest time, tough time." After a year apart I am now in a very good place. When I last talked to my W she tried to explain that she loved me and she was not happy with OM. But she immediately tried to push blame off on me as well with the all too common "I really miss you, you are my best friend etc. Etc. BUT the things WE have done to one another are hard to get past.!" I expressed that I was in a good place now and ok with the way things turned out. The very next day I get a email from W saying she didn't want to communicate anymore because she deserves to be happy like me and she is going to try and be happy with OM and she can't do that with me in her life. To this I just chuckled. I mean if you're not happy now what makes any one think they will get happy. But I replied by saying I respected her honest and straightforward approach and I agreed it was best to end all commo. So i blocked her email, phone number everything, last week. She has my adress and that is good enough. Well lo and behold I get a email from her work email, saying I can use the vehicle when I go back to hawaii to run the marathon in two weeks and that she would pick me up if I needed a ride. I deleted it instantly. I summarized this to point out that once you do the hard time and take care of yourself things clear up. I stayed alone through the worst time of my life, while she jumped from an 8 year relationship to another serious one, I had to be interspective and rebuild voids and broken Parts inside me, she is just filling a void with another emotional filler. am filing for D as of this week. I realized my W is broken beyond what I thought and only she can fix it. I now know it's ok that I still love her and it is ok for me to move on and find someone who will give me what I need and deserve. I hope this helps you when it comes to tough decisions that are sure to come.
-Be strong enough to see the changes that need to come but BE BRAVO enough to take those steps that are required. In the end your gut feeling will not lead you down the wrong path.
2point0... you should copy that post and put it in your own thread. That was some deep stuff.
I feel like I have done a good job taking care of me, becoming a better man and really looking at my marriage and seeing what I did wrong or could have done better (my wife only gave me one reason but I know it was much deeper than that). I know she sees where I am at. I am sure FB keeps her up to date even though shes blocked. It is just hard to maintain this state when there are no signs of change. I am not sure DB'ing is working in that regard or if I am even doing it correctly.
Once divorce happens that is it for me. This chapter of my life will be closed. That chapter is deep... going back to childhood. I started looking into it a bit last night. I guess a joint petition is how I envisioned it going. I don't want any back forth, any waiting game. I want both of us agreeing on everything up front, submitting the paper work together, having a court date and that being that. That is why I thought a discussion was needed... but me filing on my own is still an option. Anyway, like I said, it is a little ways out but just starting to think through it.
Now that I have started thinking about moving in this direction, why do I get a feeling that WW will initiate D within the next few days? I think life works in funny ways like that sometimes.
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in. I am also hoping that your broken ribs are feeling better!
You mentioned that you aren't sure if you are DB'ing correctly. Why do you get the feeling that WW will initiate D within the next few days? It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thanks Cristy. Actually tonight is my first time back on the ice since the rib injury... have been able to gym though.
I just meant it would be a coincidence... I start thinking about divorce and tomorrow she actually brings it up.... or I say how it is weird that she has not brought it up yet and tomorrow she does. I have no reason to say that other than that.
