Deep blu, I think you may have miss understood Azzork? What I think he was trying to say there is, take this time to work on yourself. As in, "become a person only a fool would leave". That is a big thing in our situations here. If we focus all attention on the problem at hand, it complicates things, we over analyze every move, become obsessed with everything going on. By working on you, it distracts you enough to give the spouse a bit of space to figure some of their own stuff out while becoming a better person. Then when things settle down, there stands a shiny, freshly waxed, showroom condition deebblu 2.0 that only a fool would walk away from.
That in the long run is working on your marriage. It's also working on you. Win-win!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I will in no way apologize for using the next few months as time to work on my marriage. Along the way, I will do things to improve myself and hopefully my H will do the same. That is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. I will find ways to learn and grow to become a better person no matter what. I joined a Divorce Busting forum, not a Give Up and Accept Your Divorce forum. My purpose in joining was to acquire tools that will help me save my marriage. My H is going through something I cannot explain and do not fully understand, but I love him dearly. I still believe in our marriage.
I don't judge my success by the success of my marriage. I have a great career and I have achieved many things. I have a wonderful family and some great friends. But my marriage is part of my happiness. When I married, I intended to share a lifetime, not a few years. And I vowed for better or worse. Not until we hit a rough patch. Not until he stopped loving me.
I am preparing for motherhood in the best way that I can right now. My child will have nothing less than the best of me.
I am allowed to be unhappy about my current situation, as are others on this forum. We are all in difficult situations. MWD wrote DB and DR to help people save their marriages. Some marriages can be saved and some cannot. But if this was all about personal fulfillment, the "Success Stories" on this site would be much different.
I hope others on this site are receiving great support and I hope they are encouraged to fight for what they believe in.
Ok, I think you may have misunderstood me. I am not saying to "Give up and accept your divorce". If that was how you understood what I am saying, I will try to be more clear.
You dont have any control over what your husband decides that he is going to do. The lessons in DR teach us how to change ourselves to become the best version of ourselves possible. It gives us the tools we need in order to try to save our marriage. If that is your definition of "working on your marriage" then, I can understand your comments above.
In my estimation, "working on your marriage" is something that BOTH people in the marriage have to do, and right now, whether you like it or not, your H is not interested in doing that work. The work that you put in on yourself can be in the vein of saving your marriage, but in the end, you cannot control whether or not your H will turn around.
I really did not intend to discourage you or belittle your efforts, and I apologize for the misunderstanding. I agree that marriage is a sacred establishment, ESPECIALLY when children are involved. I am rooting for you, and I hope that this works for you!
I will in no way apologize for using the next few months as time to work on my marriage. Along the way, I will do things to improve myself and hopefully my H will do the same.
