I am wondering if I should go back to joining XH and kid on their almost daily dinners. Things are really strange with us. Three months before the D, XH, kid and I were having dinners almost every day. That was the time when XH was still considering the idea of R.
2 months after the D, XH and kid are still having dinners almost every day. I stopped joining them after the D as I was really hurt by some of the things that took place during the D negotiations and I didn't want to run kid's time with XH.
The thing is, after I stopped joining them, XH texted that he had never asked me to stop joining them, and that he didn't say he didn't want to see me.
Since then, I have joined them about 3 times. The last 2 times, things were quite civil and I could see that XH was no longer putting the distance between us. Occasionally, he would even initiate conversation, something that I had always had to do on our dinners together.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 10/18/1506:36 AM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
So do I join them? I don't want kid to have the impression that there's a chance that we're getting back together. XH seems to be building bridges, and he keeps saying that I am burning them.
I know that I shouldn't consider getting back with XH if he doesn't work on his AO and doesn't cut off contact with the OW, but in the meantime, what should I do?
Do I ignore his efforts at building bridges?
Would really appreciate some input here. Thanks!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Hi Grl, if he is still in contact with OW, I wouldn't go down the family dinner route. You have just D and your XH is currently in a R with someone else. From a DB POV, I think the best plan is to forge ahead with your own life and your own plans.
If your H is trying to build bridges, you can be polite and not unpleasant. However, I think there is a boundary issue here. For me, the needed boundary is that of not meeting as a family whilst your H consorts with someone else. Yes, you will coparent constructively - but you won't have 'family time' like you did before.
If your H wants that, he's going to have to do more than this to build bridges IMHO...
Hope this helps, and don't be guilted into softening. He's in a R with someone else now, so he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, thanks for your input! I have been wondering if the family dinners were a way for him to eat cake.
I guess I will just have to skip the family dinners. Until I hear something more definitive from H.
I don't really know how much contact he has with the OW but I suppose if he is serious about R, he would have to tell me that he's ready to cut off all contact woth her and prove it.
Until then, 'Detach, GAL, rinse and repeat.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Grl, I got called out quite a bit for cake eating because I would do things like family dinners. And I don't regret it at all. Decide what you want to do based on what's best for your kid. If you want family dinner and it doesn't send you spinning, do it. Sotto's points are spot on, I don't disagree with her, but I'm just offering a different perspective. For me, it was 100% about my kids and this was what felt right to me.
I agree with you and Sotto. I guess I just have to keep my hand on the dimmer switch and see what works best for me and kid.
Doing dinners every day would prob be too much, but I may put in some guest appearances. We'll see how it goes. For the present, am pretty comfortable with getting dimmer.
