Update: H had a visit today with his therapist who he's now seen twice, and their session solidified his decision to leave. His therapist also told him to stop all sex as that would be too confusing for me. So basically the last time we ML was the last time ever.
I only "felt used" because he is my husband, who has loved me for the past thirteen years. Knowing he doesn't want to be with me and still use me to satisfy his needs made me feel that way. Wrong? Maybe. But I am human and deal with these finicky things called emotions.
Now I am in a place where we are stuck living together knowing for a fact that divorce is just around the corner. (He wants to tell the kids sometime after Christmas. Happy New Year!) So this is very awkward and I don't know how to act or where to sleep for that matter!!! This is hell on earth but what makes it worse is that I did this to us. I can't even be mad at him! F**************ck!
Last edited by Klassic; 12/15/1504:17 AM.
Me 35 H 45 M 12 T 13 S16, S11, D7, D5 IDTB (I dropped the bomb) 9/30/15
Hi Vanilla and Pho - thanks for some female feedback
W has always had a vibrator afaik, after all I worked away a lot and this would be natural. She mentioned using vibrators many years ago but I refused thinking it would devalue my ' contribution' - I always took great pleasure from giving her multiple orgasms. I can see now she just wanted to spice things up.
After 6 months of DB in 2011/12 we Reconciled and I was much more open to try things. We went down the road of lite BDSM . I remember visiting Ann Summers with her in summer 2012. We bought lingerie and bondage starter kit I think.
They were used a few times but as I always refer back to its not easy with kids at home who could just walk in.
Anal was never mentioned.
So the stash which looks like it gets used is in a smallish bag, lingerie, lightweight bondage stuff, vibrator x 2 plus anal beads and cuffs - the cuffs look unused. Plus lube, amyl nitrate. To me I think she dresses sexy and then uses whatever items she wants that night,
The other bag - it contains items that will not fit in the first bag - that bag is too stuffed. They are all BDSM stuff - some soft cuffs and ties we bought together as part of the starter kit, a rope I think it's from the sex shop as they sell rope and a bondage bra which would need someone else to tie up - I've set indicators to see if they get used just in case. (Knots in rope etc)
A couple of times I was turned down when I suggested using the stuff we bought and this put me off asking again. Also the occasion were we had anal sex was never brought up as she seemed ashamed that the babysitter Who is a grandmother could hear her 'screams' - she was very drunk and very loud!
So according to the receipts she bought some BDSM stuff in June and a vibrator that can be used as a couple - maybe as Pho suggests - she had me in mind - or maybe it was to show to her GFs that she was buying couples items.
The second receipt in Sept - is shows she is experimenting and was just one month before BD. but remember she was detaching physically from me for months before . Maybe this purchase just accelerated the process.
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/15/1510:11 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I think it's really great that you have owned up to your mistake. That says a lot about you. Many of the wayward spouses that we read about are in denial, and blame spouses for their unfaithfulness. They often engage in very abusive behaviors to justify their actions that end up being even worse mind "f..ks" You are not doing this.
Husband is deeply hurt right now. His pride will not allow him to forgive you at this point. It is not that he doesn't want to be with you. He does love you. It's his pride. He is conflicted. You have humiliated him in the worst way. By making love to you, by staying with you he is breaking his own moral code.
But in the future anything can happen. What's that saying, don't believe what they say. It's the emotions talking. You will have to be the biggest person you can be right now and if you want this marriage to work you have to put him and his feelings first.
I read somewhere that if your unfaithful spouse is truly remourseful that it is better to stick with them because the probability of them cheating again is smaller then a new significant other.
I don't think you should give up, but be prepared for it to take a long time. Continue to show how remourseful you are. You will have to be prepared for angry outbursts. Validate, validate, validate. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Don't expect him to take care of you right now. Be transparent. Do not engage with any suspicious activity with the opposite seX. Dont ignore him or be cold to him because that will justify him leaving. Don't make demands right now.
Good luck.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Don't let anyone be a cake eater at your expense. You're better than that. You're a woman. You can have sex whenever you want, 24/7/365. You ladies may not think that's true but it is. You don't need him treating you like that. He's just looking for cake.
I don't understand this response. Klassic cheated on husband and now he does not want to stay married. He tells her his soul is damaged. He obviously still loves her but is hurt from the worst way one can possibly hurt someone.
Of course females do not have a hard time finding one night stands or lovers. That has nothing to do with this. Unless I read situation wrong. Worst thing she could at this point to the man she committed to and whose ego is on the floor is to seek or even consider outside affairs if she wants to save this marriage.
I completely misread the situation and I apologize to everyone. I didn't know that she was the cheater. I'll keep my feelings to myself on this one. I'll only say that cheating on someone hurts them worst than anything imaginable. That is all.
Please don't, voice you views. If you misunderstand do as you have done. APOLOGISE then move on.
We all get the wrong end of the stick, V especially.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Vanilla and Pho - thanks for some female feedback
W has always had a vibrator afaik, after all I worked away a lot and this would be natural. She mentioned using vibrators many years ago but I refused thinking it would devalue my ' contribution' - I always took great pleasure from giving her multiple orgasms. I can see now she just wanted to spice things up.
After 6 months of DB in 2011/12 we Reconciled and I was much more open to try things. We went down the road of lite BDSM . I remember visiting Ann Summers with her in summer 2012. We bought lingerie and bondage starter kit I think.
They were used a few times but as I always refer back to its not easy with kids at home who could just walk in.
Anal was never mentioned.
So the stash which looks like it gets used is in a smallish bag, lingerie, lightweight bondage stuff, vibrator x 2 plus anal beads and cuffs - the cuffs look unused. Plus lube, amyl nitrate. To me I think she dresses sexy and then uses whatever items she wants that night,
The other bag - it contains items that will not fit in the first bag - that bag is too stuffed. They are all BDSM stuff - some soft cuffs and ties we bought together as part of the starter kit, a rope I think it's from the sex shop as they sell rope and a bondage bra which would need someone else to tie up - I've set indicators to see if they get used just in case. (Knots in rope etc)
A couple of times I was turned down when I suggested using the stuff we bought and this put me off asking again. Also the occasion were we had anal sex was never brought up as she seemed ashamed that the babysitter Who is a grandmother could hear her 'screams' - she was very drunk and very loud!
So according to the receipts she bought some BDSM stuff in June and a vibrator that can be used as a couple - maybe as Pho suggests - she had me in mind - or maybe it was to show to her GFs that she was buying couples items.
The second receipt in Sept - is shows she is experimenting and was just one month before BD. but remember she was detaching physically from me for months before . Maybe this purchase just accelerated the process.
Let it go my lovely, stop puzzling.
My sense is W is doing this for W. When used this stuff disintegrates it generally isn't well, made, it's uncomfortable and needs washing often.
My friend recently showed me a but plug she bought several years ago, it had perished.
I have some condoms from when WH and I got together many years ago, they are out of date.
My collection includes several vibrators a plastic tongue which is so funny you could die laughing, several basques in a small size, cut out bras with the wrong cut outs, and fancy knickers, cheese grater thongs, stockingd with and without holes, and a miscellaneous collection of nonsense bought at parties, hen nights and girlie trips.
I am not wayward in the slightest.
Whimsy.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/15/1511:39 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I know im obsessing - i guess its the cuffs and bondage stuff that bothers me - it needs two to tango.
Also the thought of her experimenting sexually without me is driving me to distraction - I just want to jump her bones and do this stuff with her! I want to drive her wild sexually....frustrated man
Last edited by Cadet; 04/14/1608:10 AM. Reason: Link
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
