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Thanks Cadet.
"Would this be better with someone else? My guess is that initially - YES - long term - NO, you would cycle back to the same issues that got you here in the first place. You would in the process destroy your family, your children's family and futures." Totally -- as I watched my father do with my mom. And so I'm still here, buying books, checking out forums.

She would be willing to do anything sexually, but nothing she would do would interest me coming from her. "Spice up" -- other than anything she would do, maybe you mean "swinging," but I doubt it.

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OldDog

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There's something in the way you talk about her that makes me feel there's more to this than the physical part.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
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Originally Posted By: Painter
There's something in the way you talk about her that makes me feel there's more to this than the physical part.

OldDog,

Actually I think their is more to it than her,
I think it is something you need to change in YOU!

Love is a CHOICE.

You had marriage VOWS and now because of a bad feeling you
don't want to honor them.

You have someone that loves you to death and
you want to kick them to the curb.

Whats wrong with you?

I think before you act you should look deep inside first!


Me-70, D37,S36
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Sorry for the intrusion - I started reading your thread thinking you were a different Old Dog.

Your story reminds me a bit of my ex husband, especially your statement "The thought of her in sexy lingerie makes me nauseous, and I really don't want her to touch me."

My ex and I are a couple of years older than you, and also got married in our early 20s. My ex seemed to lose his libido (or desire for me, anyway) after 20 years of marriage, and we had less and less sex until he cut me off completely in 2009. He gave me a whole laundry list of reasons of why he did not love me anymore, and why I was sexually unattractive, including the fact that I was too short and reminded him of an ape. He told me that he'd rather just masturbate. Whew. Hurtful.

You wrote "... no denying how she's given herself, her youth and life for our marriage, and by right deserves every ounce of my body and soul." Yes, she does. You must know that Cadet is right -- love is a choice, not a feeling.

So what about your wife is so physically unattractive to you, so much that the mere thought of her touching you makes you nauseated? Are you in such awesome physical shape yourself? I agree with Painter, it sounds as if this distaste is due to more than the physical part, but it's hard to believe that that the mere thought of your wife touching you makes you nauseated just because you are having trouble communicating, or because she is not as intellectual as you.

My ex made me feel so hideous that I thought no one would ever be interested in me again, but that did not turn out to be true; his feelings turned out to be a rationalization for the fact that he was heavily involved in an emotional affair, due to a mid life crisis.

I am going to risk the wrath of the moderators (sorry Cadet smile )and suggest a book that might help you, since your wife is willing to do anything she can to help you fall in love with her again, physically and emotionally. It is named His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley. Maybe if you two can identify your main needs, you could both try to meet them.


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
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