hi sotto I certainly have had a backslide. I have not been working out of the book I backslid in everything. My goal tonight (home alone) is to get into the book again even if it is one page. I have been attending Al-anon and visiting with my leader daily. I have not even stayed as busy the last few weeks. It is like I totally forgot what I was doing. I was headed in a better direction. Yes I need to reset. I have failed myself!
V is right - it doesn't matter if you backslide.We all do that and what matters is recognising it and moving forwards again.
Focusing on your own stuff is the thing to do - Your D, your own social activities, IC, Al anon, workbook etc...
I agree with V that drawing way back from him is the way to do. He's in a R with someone else right now....why offer him the great pleasure of your company and your loving behaviour? Offer that to yourself and others in your life who care for you.
You can do this 4my - and these past few weeks will be a useful learning experience for you....xx
Last edited by Sotto; 10/29/1507:11 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sorto I certainly realize it I'm feeling miserable agin just want to cry! Yes it is a lesson I won't forget I worked hard getting to where I was and now I'm at square one again! Time to refocus on me and my needs get my bills caught up and be a better friend to others! He doesn't deserve it in reality he deserves for me to hate him! I will need to go back to drawing way back! BUT without letting him feel my changes were temporary how do I handle this. I will certainly slow down on doing things for him but if I pull away instantly won't it set me back in showing I can change?
Hi 4my - I would just get really busy with your own stuff and gently withdraw from anything with him. Make some new GAL plans, get yourself organised and so on....just become too busy to do stuff for/with him....you can do this my friend!!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So to get back on track I need to figure out what I WANT to change for me. One thing that really really stresses me out is being unorganized. I have not been checking my daughters folder keeping up on laundry bills none of it. It is like I lost all responsibility and all of my organization through this. I am usually a very organized person and this is killing me. So first goal to get back on track is organization.
Goal: Organization/catching up on bills How will I know I have completed it: I will feel less stressed I will not have outstanding monthly bills and I will be checking her folder daily.
What will I have to do 1. Check her folder daily 2. make a list of my outstanding bills 3. make payments on said bills 4. Watch where I am spending money 5. go through papers on the dresser 6. find an organization that works for me
Can I ask you to refine the actions in the present tense and add a little energy?
I would love to see you achieve these.
The overall goal is fantastic! I love it and your accountability too.
So action list
I check the folder daily first thing in the morning/after school? I have a list of my outstanding bills which I update twice a week, I keep a tray/folder....... I pay my bills monthly on the first Monday Of the month.... I list my spending in a daily diary or I keep all my receipts in a folder for each month then once a month I use a spreadsheet..... Etc etc
Have you seen the Prosperity Place website?
You haven't lost the organising skills, just slightly mislaid them for a while. Possibly under the laundry. Another book I love is called Life Laundry. fly lady is fun too....
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/30/1509:45 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I have not been on here in a while so I thought I should do an update. I am still not back on track but I am truly putting one foot in front of the other. I did talk to a pastor the other day and it was very helpful. I continue talking to my Al-anon leader daily. V I will re do my organization goal also. I was asked by the pastor to make a list of what I want my life to be like. It is something I will be working on this weekend. I will also post this as I finish it. My leader has agreed to help me be accountable to stay on task. I will be making my list and looking at ways to accomplish the things I want in life. I need to get back to detatching and back on track to worrying about myself and my D. I have had a lot of up and downs lately but I will get back to posting frequently and trying to take steps forward again. Tonight my simple goal is to pay a few bills get my accounts balanced clean my purse out and watch a movie of my choosing to help relax!
