Thank you Sandi. I ended up going out with my female friend last night. Talked for nearly 6 hours straight. It's amazing how well we get along. I don't know if it's meant to be more than friendship, but I do like her and feel she's a good person to have in my life right now.
My S8 had another floor hockey game today, and in spite of the fallout from spending an hour with WW last week, I decided to try it again. Conversation went fine, and tonight I'm not feeling down or depressed at all. Really just detached. Not sure if it's my new friend making the difference, but something has changed, and I feel as if I'm finally moving to a state of true detachment.
I'm missing S8, as he is with mom the whole weekend, but I'm really not missing WW at all. It's funny that she has started to warm up to me again, and it never fails that she will start complaining about something in her life. Tonight, she was going to a bonfire with friends of OM, who she apparently doesn't like, not to mention the temps are around 30 degrees. She seemed far less than excited about the evening. I just said that's too bad, and smiled as she walked away. Then went about my day. No idea what the future holds, but I've finally reached a point where I truly believe I'll be just fine without WW in my life.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Not much new to report. Life has mostly settled down, and feels sort of normal, but still up and down days. WW and I rarely talk or see each other anymore. Usually a couple of texts every day asking about kids and how they are doing, brief and to the point. I've accepted the coming D but not happy about it. I still get sad, and angry, but have given up thinking WW is coming to her senses any time in the next few months, or even years. I do not think she is going to end up happy, and know there is nothing I can do to help her, nor is it my job to help her. From what little I hear through the kids and mutual friends, WW seems to be frequently stressed, generally not happy, and frequently has some sort of cold or flu bug.
I heard last week that WW's family is having their Christmas this year on Dec 18 and she wanted to make sure she had the kids that evening. No idea if OM is invited, but I would assume so. It hurts to think about that family getting together at a major holiday and me not being there. Guess it's something I have to get used to. I'm sure it will be awkward for everyone involved. I'm going to plan something fun that night to keep my mind off it. Good news is kids will be with me Christmas day, so I'm sure that will be a rough day for WW. She's already asked if she can spend a few minutes with the kids that morning, which I agreed to, trying to make it easier on the boys.
My S8 recently spent the whole weekend with WW, and it was hard to have him gone, but he was back early Sunday afternoon and seemed to enjoy himself. After I picked him up, he told me "Dad, I'm just happy to have my life back to normal". I had to smile. We are all adjusting and while the holidays will be difficult, I do believe we'll make it through just fine. I am starting to realize that it's going to take me a long time to be ready for another serious romantic relationship, but I suppose it's healthy that I recognize that and don't try to jump into something to temporarily make me feel better.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
So my WW sends a TM this morning asking if I am avoiding talking to her. She sent several TMs yesterday, and I only replied to the critical ones dealing with kids. One of them mentioned she wanted to discuss Christmas ideas for the kids, which I chose to ignore. I figured we were both buying our own presents for kids this year. But she brings it up again today and insists that we need to talk.
I finally agree and mention after work tonight, to which she's kind enough to inform me that she can't tonight because her and OM are meeting her sister for dinner. Oh joy - thanks for that news. She wants to talk tomorrow night instead. Now I'm just aggravated at the thought her family, in spite of all the early reassurances to me, seem to be accepting OM and legitimizing the relationship. The last 3 or 4 TMs I've sent to her sisters have gone unanswered, so no idea what has changed, but feels like a new level of betrayal and I'm ready to give up on maintaining those relationships. I suppose it was inevitable that her family would eventually back her up, but it still hurts. Seems like there's always a new layer of pain just waiting around the corner.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Blood IS thicker than water. You had do know that. Sure they thing she screwed up, but it is her daughter anyway.
All of this is not about you, you were not the one screwing around, your conscience is clear. You really have to get into a different mindset.
And yes, don0t be her friend, friends are family we choose. How on earth is one going to be friends with anyone that does this to them. NO WAY IN HELL. Friendly coparent yes. Friends - NO!
You are doing well buddy, stay strong. It is still early days for you, but I thing you are slowly getting over the hump and things will soon be better (not necessarily with the W), you will grow stronger and pain will be lessend. Have no expectations, because when they get shattered, then there is hurt.
Detach buddy, detach... Blood IS thicker than water. You had do know that. Sure they thing she screwed up, but it is her daughter anyway.
You are doing well buddy, stay strong. It is still early days for you, but I thing you are slowly getting over the hump and things will soon be better (not necessarily with the W), you will grow stronger and pain will be lessend. Have no expectations, because when they get shattered, then there is hurt.
Thanks for the reply. I think you misunderstood my last post though. I am feeling fairly detached from WW. But I had been in regular contact with her family, up until recently. Nothing but assurances on how OM would never be accepted into the family, how I would always be welcome, etc. So the betrayal is coming from her family, not from WW. Yes, I suppose it was naive to expect that they wouldn't eventually start moving in that direction, but I was hoping they would at least wait until my D was final.
And, no, I'm not friends with WW. We rarely talk or see each other, other than once a week at my son's hockey game. I'll be fine, but it's just a fresh layer of hurt on what I thought were old wounds.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
dwh - keep your chin up through the ups and downs. even though we try to suppress the rollercoaster it doesn't always work.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Detach buddy, detach... Blood IS thicker than water. You had do know that. Sure they thing she screwed up, but it is her daughter anyway.
You are doing well buddy, stay strong. It is still early days for you, but I thing you are slowly getting over the hump and things will soon be better (not necessarily with the W), you will grow stronger and pain will be lessend. Have no expectations, because when they get shattered, then there is hurt.
Thanks for the reply. I think you misunderstood my last post though. I am feeling fairly detached from WW. But I had been in regular contact with her family, up until recently. Nothing but assurances on how OM would never be accepted into the family, how I would always be welcome, etc. So the betrayal is coming from her family, not from WW. Yes, I suppose it was naive to expect that they wouldn't eventually start moving in that direction, but I was hoping they would at least wait until my D was final.
And, no, I'm not friends with WW. We rarely talk or see each other, other than once a week at my son's hockey game. I'll be fine, but it's just a fresh layer of hurt on what I thought were old wounds.
Hello mate,
no, I have not misunderstood your post.
You attached expectations to your inlaws that they will be fighting from your corner, you were gathering allies so too speak for the battle with your wife to "open her eyes". You were assured that they will never accept the OM. And these expectations were broken, that's why you hurt. It's OK, we have all done that, trying to win over the inlaws. It rarely works, because blood is thicker than water. That is why you should detach from them as well.
and I meant what I said, you really are doing well.
