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So, now I have heard, he only married me because I was pregnant. he never loved me. He hasn't been happy with me in years and he should have never came back in 2012. He said hes been depressed since he came back. He only stayed with me over the years for the kids.

Oh and him and his girlfriend are living a life of bliss. She even moved in with him after 2 weeks.

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Hi Haunted, I'm sorry to hear all of that. It sounds as though history has been rewritten, which is what normally happens. I know the 'we 'had to' marry and shouldn't have done' is a common script theme too. And of course to say there was never any love...

Please try not to take all of this to heart. Of course there has been and is love. You have married and borne children together, shared a history with all the highs and lows that brings. For him, all of this is buried right now and he may not acknowledge his true feelings for some time.

He is feeling 'blissed out' about life with OW - so his heart is turned away from the M right now. But his R with her is a house of cards. Please know that. Healthy people don't move in with married SO's after two weeks and live a life of 'lasting' bliss. The bubble will burst & the boat will sink - and none of that needs any help from you. As I read recently....The Titanic needed no assistance. What is happening is unsustainable in the longer term with he and her.

So, know all of this. OW is beneath your notice. Please take due steps to protect you and yours. Leave him to it and move forward yourself, putting your own house in order. Things will unfold in time, but remove yourself from any kind of triangular dynamic - he is living his life and you yours for now..

Take care x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Haunted, I have just caught up on your thread.

job and sotto have given you great advice.

When it comes to telling you that your m was a mistake, never loved you etc, it really is script stuff, I heard it too, generally they can't recall saying it and certainly they don't mean it - how could they have lived a miserable existence for so many years and not do anything about it or no one else see it. Its total MLC tosh, so please don't take it to heart.

As for his new found "love" - an avoidance tactic, he doesn't want to deal with what is going on internally, she is a distraction, it wont last, how can it. A relationship built on lies; he is trying to be someone he isn't and that will catch up with him. I know its hard, but try not to give her any head space, she is not worth your emotions, she has got herself involved with a guy in crisis, you have this information, she doesn't, she will find out soon enough.

Stay strong and look after yourself

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What your h is telling you is script. We all have heard something very similar. They truly do not mean it, nor will they remember a lot of what they've said while on their journey. It's depression speaking.

The ow is a distraction or as we say here...a band aid. Nothing more. She's nothing special and if she hadn't been around, he would have chosen someone else. It's all an avoidance tactic not to have to look within and figure things out for himself. Some gamble, do drugs, drink, become workaholics, etc.

I agree w/Lou...stay strong and do not allow what he says to bring you down.

Also, you need to start a new thread. You now have 103 postings.

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Hi haunted - it really is script. It is like they have to convince themselves that what they are doing is justified. My H has recently said a similar thing to his father and one of our sons. That "we never should have been together" this after 33 years. The more I read about MLC the more I am amazed at how they all say the same things.


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03/15 - BD ILYBINILWY
09/15 -OW confirmed
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Since moving her in with him, after only 2 weeks, he has cut all contact with us. He got a new phone and changed his number. I guess he got mad because I refused to let our daughter go up there because she moved in. He didnt even know much about her and moved her right on in.

So now he has the younger woman, a sports car, has been dressing kinda youngish, and no telling what else goes on.

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It's typical of a person in crisis to change their phone number. Many of them do not know their new partners in crime very well and just move right in or have them move in w/them. People in crisis can't live alone. They need a constant distraction so that they don't have to think about what they've done or are doing.

Sounds like he's getting ready to take off on the Mother Ship of MLC full blown. I'm so sorry that you have to discover the move.

Now, it's time for you to start a new thread. You have 106 postings/replies.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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