Yes. I go back and forth constantly. I blame myself and then I blame him. Of course we both contributed. And your right and I like how you worded it..." He was the one who left, so he gets to convince me that the death of the relationship is all my fault"
Maybe they were more hurt or have more courage and initiative then the left behind? Sometimes it is necessary to be brave enough to "pull the plug" when there is no chance of revival right? To hold on is just wasteful and damaging?
I take so much comfort in the DR philosphy that while a marriage can die you can build a new one with the same spouse. The negative part of me reminds myself that this is rare : (
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
GAL has been a little difficult. I depend on family to babysit while I work, so to ask for extra help is often a little too much. They are not easy kids to watch. one of my sons, while quick and witty and fun has some sensory issues that a lot of people just don't get. My husband is not committing to set schedule. I tried to push for every other weekend, but a lot of times he will just come Saturday afternoom and drop them off Sunday morning. I am hoping this will get better. If this goes to court there will be set times and schedule so I could make plans, take classes, maybe even work extra. Truth is, often times when I do get some spare time I end up crawling in my bed depressed and just reading over these forums!
Hi Julie,
Just a couple of things:
1) With regards to your H not committing to the schedule, do you mean he won't agree to one in advance or he breaks what has been committed to? Regardless, it seems you need to maybe be a little tougher here. Why does he get to push boundaries here and dictate this? You need some time for yourself. It is so important right now. If you make sure you are out and about on Sunday, he can't just drop them off, right?
2) You have to find a way to push yourself to get out. It makes a world of difference. The past few weeks I have not had a lot of GAL scheduled and I noticed how much more emotional I have been and how much I was dwelling on my situation. It does get depressing! It felt like the world was ending and I had nothing to look forward to. This week has been full of GAL and I feel more energetic, vibrant, positive, less emotional, and I am thinking about my situation less. I went out for drinks last night with a friend had a great time. I even noticed a very handsome man checking me out. It made me feel good! GAL will help you realize that life will be ok with out your H (if it gets to that). Spending time on this forum can be therapeutic, but too much and it makes it hard to get away from thinking about it all. You need a break.
Julie needs to take care of Julie a bit!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
