I have to say you have awesome advice. Tough love is what is needed for most of the LBHs on this site. I don't know when it happened or why, I think it was more of a process, but I feel like a totally different man than I was just a few weeks ago. I realized that I don't need anymore s__t from my WAW and I'm not putting up with it. I am an equal parent (probably better) and I deserve to see my kids just as much as her and that is what I am focussed on and fighting for now no matter what it takes. I no longer have to focus on GAL, its coming all on its own. Im working way harder than I have in years, Im going to the gym, cycling hard, playing hockey, going out with friends, reconnecting with some great people. Its amazing to see how so many people in my life and in my past have come to the forefront to make sure I am OK. THOSE are the people that matter.
As for my WAW she can go pound sand for all I care. We only communicate via email now and she keeps asking why I am not being pleasant to her and why she gets "hate" days. I told her she has treated me like garbage for the last 6 months and lied to me for the last several years so do not expect any more "love" days and this is the new norm. Its very strange, I feel like she was holding me back and that she kind of had me under her thumb and I didn't even realize it. That is NOT me. I feel my confidence, self esteem, sense of humor, charm and general MOJO coming back more each day. I have goals now - a six pack by xmas, have the kids over far more often and them love every minute, lofty targets at work, find a meaningful relationship but to just let it happen. When this first happened (BD) it was really like I fell off a boat and was trying to find which way was up. Well I found it, I have resurfaced, taken a huge deep breath of fresh air and am ready to power forward.
I don't really care if WAW ever wants me back but, I have a feeling she will. Its kind of acting like an incentive though.
Thank you all. This wasn't really divorce busting. It ended up being a rediscovery and un-busting of me.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
Duke, it's Judy...decided to change my screen name for safety reasons. DB does work, by helping you rediscover yourself. In that regard, you're doing great.
I would caution you about making any permanent decisions from your new mind-set. Allow it to settle for a bit, first.
Other than that one caution, I'm really proud of you!!!
I hear you sister! Some days are still better than others but overall they are all much better than when all this crap started. How are you doing? Thank you for checking in...
Big hug
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
My life is a tilt-a-whirl! First, the BD and D, then I make plans to move on with my life, last week he suddenly decided to try Marriage Counseling...Surprisingly, I was not thrilled. I am resigned to try it out, though. I owe it to our kids to do at least that much.
H is back home, we have some awkward conversation, and we have to wait until the end of the month to get into counseling because of H' s work and travel schedule.
Been a while without an update. Things have taken a gradual turn for the worse. WW hates me and coddles our 3 girls like a mother hen. I see them rarely and when I do it is very uncomfortable. They rarely call, they rarely come over. When they do they want to go back to their mom after a couple of hours. Im not sure what I can do. WW and her L are after every possible penny they can get from me, I have been alienated from my kids. Life is not so great these days. Any input is greatly appreciated.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
Duke, hi! It's been a while...you seemed so good the last time you were here. I'm sorry to hear the girls are becoming alienated from you.
I can't help with W and L, other than to say I hope you have your own L to protect your interests?
Your girls are in an impossible spot. The only thing you can really do is be as positive as you can every time you get a chance to be with them. Do activities that help bond you as a family. Don't try and buy them - that is always bad for the kids in the long run. Things that are fun:
Bike Ride Picnic at a Park, Kite Flying Board Games Putt Putt Golf Movies - Even more fun if it's movie night at home - you can buy snacks, drinks, and settle in...set up pillows and blankets. Visits to State and National Parks
The more time you spend with them just doing things together, the closer you'll be. It sounds like W might be actively encouraging alienation? If so, please get them in to IC, document, document, and document - This is beyond harmful to them. They need a relationship with their father. Do I remember you saying your W's mother was the same way? You may need help with this. Fortunately, courts and society in general are taking this far more seriously than they used to. It's not funny, and it's not fair to the kids.
That's what I've got off the top of my head. Maybe some moms with kids your age can chime in, too, for more activity ideas. Shopping is always an option, but I hate that - the focus needs to be more on activity and less on material objects, unless they need something.
I'm really sorry, Duke. But, I am happy to hear from you!
