Why don't I have friends like you. All my friends tell me #&%@ her and try to hook me up with someone. I'm so sick of hearing that. I don't want to "hook up". I want to be me and be a better dad. I can do that.
What you are hearing from family and friends is just about universal in these types of situations I've come to believe. I hear all the exact same stuff. It's gotten to the point I don't feel comfortable even expressing my true wishes because they are invariably met with wide eyes and dropped jaws. Nobody can understand it, and nobody believes it could ever work. Would just never be the same, you can never trust her again, bla, bla. I'm sure you've heard it all.
Now I don't think any of us LBH's are fooling ourselves. The road back to a healthy M is a very long and difficult one. And maybe all the naysayers are right, and it's not going to work out. But we have to be the ones to decide. We are fighting for our lives, our families, our future. Something about getting the "give it up" advice from people who are running home to their own complete, happy families really burns me. I know they mean well and just want to help, but they truly have no idea what it feels like to go through something like this. Keep with it, and when you are ready, make the decision that is best for you.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
^^^^^^oh yeah, in spades. If you're not going through it, it's easy to tell them to **** off. When you've got kids and are trying to run your life at the same time, it's not that easy.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Cali - I agree completely on the not knowing. What if you knew for FACT that your M had no chance - 0.000% - of being reconciled. Makes it easy to turn your back and ignore the work too, I think.
That 5% in there that we all have. It's that little bit of hope that I think drives this whole train.
That's some insightful thinking Azz, and makes perfect sense to me. The odds are long, but the stakes are high, and we're all committed to trying to beat the odds. And the good news is that, if we stick with it, we all come out winners regardless. Maybe not in the form of saving the M, but at least in terms of making ourselves tremendously improved. If you think about it, everyone on this board who really works at DB is going to have a heck of a good shot in their next M, whether it be with current spouse or a future one. While the WAS is highly likely to keep repeating the same mistakes if they do end up with someone else, and be right back in the same boat a few years later. Who wants to go through this pain more than once in a lifetime? I'll take the safe bet.
**Azz/Cali/dwh Thank you for your insight..as 4 months into a separation...I think I am at the 0.00% point of R. The level of introspection I have shied away from in the past is at hand ..and so far the results are not pretty...
