Everyone back after a couple of hours. They brought the meal back with them. Pizza, Garlic Bread, Chips (fries) and coke. Although I was offered some, I declined. I did this in a nice 'no thanks, I'm not hungry' way (I'd already eaten as I didn't know when they were coming back). This was offered by SIL. Again, W has looked at me. I think the whole thing is stressing her out. It's the most eye contact I've had since BD.
They're off in about 50 minutes for the 230 mile drive back. My BIL is home from the Middle East at the minute and just fancied seeing W. So, why the cloak and dagger stuff?
Have been reading Johnathan Cainer, again. He says September will see my trauma stop! Thanks Johnathan - I hope so!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Website. I certainly wouldn't buy the paper he writes in!
Week 23
They managed to go at about 2100hrs, right in the middle of a thunderstorm. Again, was pleasant and said goodbye to everyone. It could have been a lot, lot worse.
So, to goals. As I said, I'm not really that good at this kind of thing. I'm not really a navel gazer. The ultimate goal is to get W back, or more to the point, to get W to want to be back with me.
The key is communication. I've tried, but I just get no response. There is also the issue of pursual. This is where it gets really confusing. OK, so I'm throwing it open for a goal suggestion, that starts to match my ambition without breaking the rules.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy, I'm not sure about specific goals, but maybe thinking of setting goals in some of these areas may help?
Future relationship Being a Dad Finances Friendships Hobbies Health Money Work Learning Spirituality/faith Happiness
When you look at this list, are there areas where you feel (regardless of what your W may be up to) that you could improve? If you succeeded, what would success look like? What can you do this month to get a step nearer to that?
So an example area might be - I'd like to have more hobbies that I really enjoy. And a goal this month could be - find and join a group that does this hobby.
I guess the above is working on the 'life wheel' principle. Where each of that list above forms a 'piece of cake' on the life wheel and you can score how happy you feel in that area. If you google that, you'll see what I mean...
Hope this helps! Sotto :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Huddy one of the problems that I see with my thread and I caught a glimpse on yours is that we are trying to get the W back that is our ultimate goal and as hard as it is to believe I know I struggle ....there is not much if anything that we can do to achieve this.
It is all about mindset and my w probably like yours has a very different mindset to ours we believe that we can make this better ...when I spoke to my W and I have done this too many times and I said I want it to get better between us she said what is better ...this is as good as it gets ...she relates better as back together and this is not what she wants.
I read on another thread I think it was cadet that said most people are D on the bomb date they just do not realise it. Now none of us want to believe this or we would not be here.
All we can do is focus on goals to become a better person and in the process hope that W wants to be with us as a loving partner with our children.
Stay strong my friend
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
.I read on another thread I think it was cadet that said most people are D on the bomb date they just do not realise it. Now none of us want to believe this or we would not be here.
To be clear, I think most of believe this. The reason that we are here is that we know that being divorced does not mean our relationship with our spouses is over. I believe that in order to restore our relationship, we have to treat it is over first.
The more we cling to that old R, the harder it is to form a new one.
Now, as to Huddy, I agree with Sotto (shocking, i know). You don't have to set a TON of goals. But try to get 3-5 things out there. I think she's given you a great list. Maybe pick a few and set one goal in each to start?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
