And the child psychologist meeting was a waste of time.
W wants kids to meet her AP as she will be in her life "forever".
There is nothing left to do but just remove myself from this situation and let it go. How many times have I said that I don't know. I guess I will have to say it a million more times. Who knows maybe the kids will really really like her and it will work out great. You just never know.
My #1 goal now is to find a way to release the anger that is inside of me. I must let it out and replace it with only positive emotions. I must do it for me and must do it for my kids and must do it for x. It is the only way out of this now, forgiveness.
Hi Heavy D. I'm new here. But have been reading posts for months. I have also read the book you mentioned and am trying to be positive stay positive not judge, trying to understand how this can be Gods plan, what am I suppose to be learning??????
If I knew the answer to that I would not be here LOL!!
Seriously though I believe the message is to accept and just let go. Once you stop the fight or struggle everything works out like it is supposed to. Put the focus on what makes YOU happy. Forget about your spouse for a while. They have to learn their own lessons on their own time table.
But it wasnt the DBers that made you a better person. It was YOU. It's easy to give advice. It's hard to go out and do it. Don't short change the work you've done and continue to do!
Yes all of this blows but you know it is so important to not be a door mat. Integrity and morals matter in this world . I am not judging anyone or myself just saying that in the end - you have to be able to respect yourself or no one else will.
Hi HeavyD - that is what has been so challenging for me. My husband is what made me happy - I don't even know what my goals are - I have just been living day by day trying to hold things together - maintaining our home and cottage and being available for our 5 kids ( and the dog)
Forgiveness is in part for you as well. If you can't forgive, then you learn what obstacles are still in your heart getting in the way of being able to love (and that includes being able to love yourself).
A worthy struggle, that continues to challenge me with some people.
Cheers.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I know - believe me I know. I have been trying to GAL, stay busy, PMA all of that jazz but in my heart of hearts I keep thinking "How could this have happened".
I don't have any answers. Love is a losing game as Amy Winehouse famously sang about.
Maybe after the passage of time we will have a better perspective.
Love yourself, you are worth it and you are more than Your relationship with your husband. You are YOU, perfect in every way. Keep repeating that every day!!
Wife emailed that her L will work on stiplations and send to my L. So we are moving forward. I expect we will go back and forth fine tuning the destruction of our family.
After the stipulations are agreed to, then the remaining aspects will be tackled.
Seeing her yesterday was like another person. Her makeup was heavy, too much for her face and too dark for her complexion. I don't recognize her anymore. She said to the thearpist - just look at her, she always has a sour face and sits hostily with her legs crossed and arms crossed. She won't even eat if we go to dinner. Wow. I was just sitting in the chair listening to her. My very existence is an affront to her. It is true the last time we met as a family, I just drank a coke. I didn't know that was a cardinal crime.
At the teacher conference, I was there, but just looked through her and listened and talked to the teaher. Once it was over, I thanked her, and left.
Nothing else to do but just accept more, agree to her wishes and be done. At this point the best I can do is to listen. I do not want to argue in any way shape or form with her. I will say "No' to things I don't agree with which ticks her off but it is my right. I will exercise my legal rights to the maximum as I try to protect myself and my kids.
Her plan is to continue with her once per month visit with her "forever person" who lives with her wife and kids in another city. She keeps wanting me to me meet her but I am not interested. I will keep a close eye on my kids and they will tell me what is going in.
My plan is to give my kids my 100% attention and time and of course work on me and my issues. I will attend the 12 step program this week and move forward.
I tell myself that D is not the end of the world as I once thought it was.
