Vanilla - So here is a very tough question, which of course you can choose not to answer.
How does WW see the acts in the play?
The transition between the loving phase and the abusive phase was because of 2 new factors in the equation. The first was my new job. I worked for her father. I wanted to work there, made good money but my skill's did not complement the job. I struggled and at best provided a "C" grade performance. I was very hard on myself during that time. I wanted to prove my worth to my wife and my FIL. It was a night job, getting up at midnight and working till noon. I grew to hate the job because of the hours and my poor performance. I brought my disappointment home and was mean, grumpy and a bully.
The second factor was the beginning of our family with my children being born. I began to feel trapped in the job and my wife was spending less time with me because of the children. I became unhappy with the lack of attention from my wife. I knew the children needed her so I bottled it up and became mean and a bully. I did not help her in the day to day maintenance of the children because I was exhausted, 4-5 hours sleep a night. She says she raised the kids like a single parent. There are many small incidents that switched my wife off. It was the death of a thousand cuts. I was a weekend binge drinker during this time. I would consume a case of beer a weekend.
I quit drinking at the beginning of the beat Mutatio up phase. I sensed my wife pulling away. She was in a EA/PA. The EA was going strong for 2 months when they met. It was heavy petting and they were planning to meet and go all the way when they got caught. I felt guilty because of my 16 years of bad behavior and she because of the affair. She says now she was done with the marriage then. We should have gone to couples therapy then but did not. We rebuilt our relationship on our own and it was great for 3 years and the last 4 drifted apart slowly. I became codependent after the scare of losing her.
During the WW breakaway phase I felt her emotionally absent and pushed to get her back and was trying when she determined she was done with the marriage and me.
What did you do to take action after act 2?
I quit drinking (sober 7 years) and quit my job working for her father. Jumped back into my old career. I tried to be a better father and was, she says I am a good father now. I stopped being mean and a bully. Not perfect but 99%. I began cooking dinner every day.
What actions are you taking now? IC?
I go to IC once a week. I just completed a cognitive therapy 12 session therapy, on anger management while going to IC. I have joined a Buddhist Meditation Center, going twice a week. I will begin Meditation teacher training this fall as part of my GAL. I am taking a adult ed class in the fall on a subject I have great interest in, also GAL.
Vanilla or anyone else, I would appreciate any insights or questions you have have, thank you for your support.
Yes, we still live under the same roof. Me moving out has been pushed further and further for various reasons, mostly because of finances/convenience by either one of us.
Time to start a new thread.
Last edited by Fogg; 08/25/1508:24 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
