I get this a lot from S3, and did a bit from S6. It just means they miss the other parent & can't put that into words. They are hurt, scared, and perhaps a bit angry. They lash out because they can't understand what they are feeling.
Practice the listen & validate, but add reflect to this. Lots of "I understand, you sound like you're X." "I know it is hard and you don't like that your dad won't be around when you want him, and that hurts." "It's normal to feel this way. We all do sometimes."
Once they feel heard and you've worked with them to help them identify and contain the chaos of feelings, you can plant a seed that it isn't that you don't love mama, but you are upset that this means dad won't be hear."
Then, big breath and figure out something playful to do. Something that starts the giggles and entails you getting down to the child's level. This allows him to restore and strengthen the emotional bond with you. It also gives him the safety to begin exploring some of those feelings & thoughts that have been troubling him. Don't expect much at this age, as the brain can't really conceptualize what is going on at this point. You still might find some very pointed questions or some shrewd observations volunteered by your S after some child's play with you, and as he grows older, it will help nonetheless.
My S6 often needs a bit of time after the play & discussions to be by himself to talk through what he has felt & heard. It doesn't really matter that this may seem like an overly simple understanding (but maybe they sometimes understand these things better than we do), but don't butt in. It is a way of processing and integrating the feelings, the thoughts, the security of the attachment bond with you. It is a very good thing, even if you hear some errors. Don't interrupt. Give some space. Not all kids do this last part, but if your's does, give him the bit and let him take himself wherever he is going in his head.
Other kids will just sit and think quietly for a bit. They might not look happy, but again, don't intrude. Don't worry that he is still upset. Trust me, he'll let you know if he is.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
