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Huddy Offline OP
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No real movement. W starting to look sad. Her stubbornness will prevent her from doing anything until she really has to.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Hi Huddy, best to keep your focus off her as much as you can. A watched pot never boils remember? Are you still doing some nice stuff for yourself and have some good GAL going on my friend?

What were your original goals for you, and how are you progressing with these? Your above statement sounds a little like you are closely watching your W for 'signs' and also mindreading, neither of which will help you IMHO.

Remember that things usually take a long time, and that time is valuable for us to make much needed changes in ourselves. Try and keep the focus on that and not on your W. I know it's hard - I think in-house S's are hardest of all actually, so I do commend you.

Take care. S x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Huddy Offline OP
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Hi Sotto

I think I have achieved all my goals which were:

Lose weight;
Exercise more;
Spend more time with kids;
Not ask for/expect help from W;
Regain my confidence.

The last was the most challenging. The fact that so many people have commented on the fact I now look/act 'fresher' and back to my old self confirms this to me. Three stone lighter and walking four/five miles per day is good and giving me time to think. I make the kids my focus when I get home/at weekends and we now spend more time at park etc. As for GAL, I am re-engaged in my hobbies and have been out and about, when practicable.

Yes, I'm W watching now. It is obvious to me that as my confidence has returned, W has retrenched in to a 'sad' kind of look. Last night I got home, was bubbly and confident, went in to the living room and said a general 'hiya' to everybody in the room. I got hugs and kisses from kids. W gulped and looked at me with really sad eyes. Difficult to say, but not like she has been with her 'look of stone' which has been greeting me for the past few months. I'm not watching her every move, but have noticed differences in the past two weeks. Simple things like leaving her phone open for me to see, although I don't look, are real changes that I can measure against all the rubbish since April. Cracking? Don't know. NO expectations.

Last edited by Huddy; 08/20/15 07:29 AM.

M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Hi Huddy, that's great to hear you have achieved your goals. All sounds good in terms of your health, confidence, R with the kids and not expecting stuff from your W.

But I also think you have an air of - yup, all done with my work, just need the W to turn now - oh, but she's pretty stubborn...

I hope you don't think I'm being too intrusive, I do only mean well, but the crux of all of our sitches is that our R has failed, and your goals don't really address you as a man and partner on an emotional level. Do you think that achieving your goals will help you have a better partnership in the future either with your W or some other lucky lady? Are you really addressing 'your side of the street' from a relationship perspective?

I wonder whether there is an opportunity here for you to dig a little deeper? I would encourage you to have a think about the kind of work that people like Zeus and PP are doing for instance?


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Me-70, D37,S36
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M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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