Congratulations on passing your first BSN bridge course! We all knew you could do it. You'll get all of the "stuff" done either before or during your Disney trip. You have a way of balancing things and the trip to Disney may be just what you need to relax and then take some time to focus on the projects that are due.
I'm glad you are going to meet up w/Barb. As for the special guy...enjoy the time you spend w/him and from what you posted, he's treating you like a lady and showing you what a healthy adult relationship is like. Don't ever doubt yourself...you are a good woman who deserves the very best.
Enjoy your trip to Disney!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
First of all, I have finally forgiven ex and OWW. For myself. I have accepted their roles in our lives ( me and D7). And as long as they are with respected boundaries, I can handle them both pretty well. They both were in my home for Easter ( long story). I invite them both in and am fine with doing what I need to do with them. I just be " me". And I can't be mean and resentful. It does no good for anyone. It's a good example for D7 also.
Ginger,
I'm reading back on your old threads, as you always have good advice and suggestions. This sentence struck me because it seems many walkway and wayward spouses talk about being friends after D...and it seems like you've gotten to that place...but many voices here stick to the if we can't be married then we can't be friends and we can't play family (dinner together with your D)...so how did you get to this healthy place?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Hey Gordie. My threads actually go back to the beginning of time, like 2008, under a different screen name, but they are all gone now.
I will tell you I was a nut case when this all began and I was the opposite of DB, and I was so angry. My trip to get here I am was not without obstacles and took lots of work.
As far as the whole friends thing goes. My ex and I or my ex and his OWW aren't friends. We are civil and can be friendly. And for the purpose of our daughter.
I got to this place by being truly detached, having moved on with my life and having no emotional attachement to either one of them. My ex is my daughter's father, and that's it. Not in a million years would I ever want to be with him again.
We aren't playing family. We are a family of sorts. When playing family to hope to get your ex to realize what you "could" have or what they are "missing", it will backfire. I can have dinner with them because I don't want anything more than dinner. I even played volleyball as a sub on my ex's co-ed team this last year as a sub. Could I have done this if I still wanted him as a husband? Absolutely not. We can get along, I enjoy volleyball, so I did it. My daughter loves having dinner with us once in a while, it makes her very happy. It's no more or no less than that.
And TBH, since our daughter was a baby and she was going through all her firsts, we did and still do trips to see santa together and little stuff neither of wanted to miss way back in the beginning. However, it was EXTREMELY painful for me. I was not where I needed to be to be able to handle that.
And I never wanted to be friends with someone who had betrayed me so awfully and caused me so much pain. Friends don't do that.
As to getting to this healthy place it took a lot of time, detachement, and 2x4's. I eventually had no desire to be with this man for what he had become. he married his OW and that actually helped.
I hand out 2x4's a lot which people may not like. But without the ones I got on this forum, I may not be where I am today.
Hey Gordie. My threads actually go back to the beginning of time, like 2008, under a different screen name, but they are all gone now.
I will tell you I was a nut case when this all began and I was the opposite of DB, and I was so angry. My trip to get here I am was not without obstacles and took lots of work.
As far as the whole friends thing goes. My ex and I or my ex and his OWW aren't friends. We are civil and can be friendly. And for the purpose of our daughter.
I got to this place by being truly detached, having moved on with my life and having no emotional attachement to either one of them. My ex is my daughter's father, and that's it. Not in a million years would I ever want to be with him again.
We aren't playing family. We are a family of sorts. When playing family to hope to get your ex to realize what you "could" have or what they are "missing", it will backfire. I can have dinner with them because I don't want anything more than dinner. I even played volleyball as a sub on my ex's co-ed team this last year as a sub. Could I have done this if I still wanted him as a husband? Absolutely not. We can get along, I enjoy volleyball, so I did it. My daughter loves having dinner with us once in a while, it makes her very happy. It's no more or no less than that.
And TBH, since our daughter was a baby and she was going through all her firsts, we did and still do trips to see santa together and little stuff neither of wanted to miss way back in the beginning. However, it was EXTREMELY painful for me. I was not where I needed to be to be able to handle that.
And I never wanted to be friends with someone who had betrayed me so awfully and caused me so much pain. Friends don't do that.
As to getting to this healthy place it took a lot of time, detachement, and 2x4's. I eventually had no desire to be with this man for what he had become. he married his OW and that actually helped.
I hand out 2x4's a lot which people may not like. But without the ones I got on this forum, I may not be where I am today.
I hope this helps a little.
Thank you so much. That really helps. I appreciate all of you vets who share your hard earned wisdom.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
And I never wanted to be friends with someone who had betrayed me so awfully and caused me so much pain. Friends don't do that
Truth. Betrayal comes in many, many forms. Each just as bad as the other. Except, of course when one finds pictures of certain acts. There is no way in hell that I'd ever be friends with my ex again. But I have to suck it up due to the kids. If not for them, I wouldn't be so nice.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
