I just can't be quiet. Back here again.

[jedi]

I will back off and leave her to herself and see what happens.

Follow your own advice!!!!

Just chiming in my support of the above. This really needs to be your focus right now.

I get that all the 'could have beens' are hard. They will be for quite some time. But IMO, you two going on this trip together would be terrible at the moment, given her comments. You would be seeing it as an opportunity to reconnect, and she clearly isn't into that right now.

Hang in there Thomas. Have you started on Cadet's homework from above?

[THOMAS3]

Thanks Jedi. Yes I have started the homework. I am practicing the rules and faking my detachment the best I can. I read DR, but need to read it again due to not remembering much from it. Besides from the talk yesterday everything is going how it's supposed to. I need to start on my changes now. I need to identify my role in all this and start there. I have been the best dad possible and will continue that.

Thanks for the support

Thomas

[THOMAS3]

How does everyone deal with the anxiety. My heart is beating through my chest constantly. I am breathing in deep breaths and trying to relax, but the anxiety doesn't slow down. It is making me crazy.

[gonegrl]

Thomas, I take anxiety meds. Actually I took them for first 4 months after BD, haven't taken them in a month. They helped a lot. Also really playing with the kids helps me- as in getting down on the floor and wrestling with them, or chasing them on scooters outside- for me it has to be physical to get my brain switched off- and the kids love it. Just to be a little crazy with the kids and hear them laughing gets me out of my head for a little while. Music helps too. It is hard. Hang in there.

[THOMAS3]

Thanks P. I need to make a doctors appointment. The anxiety is crushing and starting to affect my job. Maybe I have more of an anxiety issue that I think I do. A lot of time when we would fight is because I get a feeling or thought in my head and it shoots my anxiety through the roof if I don't address it. Most of the time this would be at bedtime and she would just want to sleep. But instead of STFU I would keep going to ease my anxiety. It never helped and made things worse. Time to get some help for me.

Today she has her counselor appointment to get her meds refilled. I am hoping they can touch on some issues to help her in her funk. I know I need to fix myself, but I also know she isn't in a good place and needs help.

While she is at her appointment I am going to take the girls to do something fun. I plan on being away for a while and let W be home alone for a bit.

[gonegrl]

Good for you Thomas, I do the same thing with my anxiety. It makes it hard to STFU. I wish I took my own advice last night! Actually I didn't react as much as I would have previously, I caught myself but it was already too late. Gotta work on it, it is not easy but think how much better it would be if you were in control of yourself. I need the same pep talk. Good luck with your appointment and your outing. Hope you have fun.

[THOMAS3]

Getting away with my girls was good. W seemed confused that I was leaving the house to have fun while she when to the doctors. When she was done she texted to see where I was. I told her then got "I don't get it. Why the sudden urge to do stuff with them " then "never mind, have fun ". I didn't reply. She asked our plans for dinner and I asked if she was cooking, she said she had planned on it so I told her to cook and we would come home for dinner (I needed to go home anyways). We had fun for another 45 mins then headed home. Dinner was great and eventually we all ended up outside. We laughed and talked friendly and she called me honey once, I am sure it was on accident.

Since BD she has been smoking which she hasn't done for 10 years. I just ignore it and figure it is for her stress or to piss me off. She hasn't been sleeping good so she went to bed, ten minutes later she texted me asking me to throw her cigarettes away for her. He said she doesn't want to smoke anymore. I don't know if I am reaching for signs, but that seemed like a positive step to me.

I will see how tomorrow goes and stay detached and as if.

Thanks for everything

[gonegrl]

Good for you Thomas! My H started smoking too. Depression can make people make some poor choices. And I am sure playing with your girls was good for them, keep it up.

[THOMAS3]

Thanks P.

I took the kids out this morning and we had a good time for a couple hours. W texted me and asked where we were and what our plans for the day were. I told her and asked her what her plans were. Laundry. I asked if she wanted to come and she said only if the kids do. I told he the kids always want her around, then I asked her if she wanted me to ask them I got a "yes please". So the kids said of course and we picked W up and had a good day. Tonight I am going to do my own GAL. She asked questions, but I really don't know my plans. She is confused.

Thanks for everything