Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
Journaling

WW called me around 11 last night. She explained that she was having issues with SD15 and wanted to know how I felt.

SD15 has been spending alot of time everyday with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's family. They are always with his mom. At least we have tried to make sure that is the case.

Last Night, my Sd15 asked my W if she could stay over his house. My W told her absolutely not! Then my SD told her that she already has before. (This was news to us!) Evidently, While Sd was staying over her friends house one night, her and her friend got into an argument and SD called her boyfriend's mom who went and picked her up and took her over their house.

We never knew about this at all.

So my W is starting to wonder, and rightfully so, what kind of mom this woman is. We have both talked to her on numorous occasions and judged that she was responsible.

So my wife then goes on to tell me that SD told her that she wasn't gonna come home. My W told her to call her dad and ask me what I thought. (She knows the answer). So SD says, give me his number. W says, "what are you talking about?"
You have your dad, Jeff's number." Sd says..." He isn't my real dad and doesn't have any legal right to me." Ugh!

So I told W, She obviously is testing you. Put your foot down, set hard boundaries and stick with them. We can talk about what these boundaries will be so we can be consistent. I told W that IMO, she needed to show tough love and stop being so lenient. She got mad at me for this and said...."I don't know why I even called you". I said "You called me for my opinion, and thats what I gave you."

She calmed down and said that she stuck up for me to SD and told her that I am and will always be her Daddy and that she was lucky cuz there isn't a better one out there. She told her that I took care of her since she was a baby and That I continue to do so, when her "real dad" took off for another State.

That kinda made me feel better, she showed me alot of respect.

I said "thank you, if you need me to talk to her, let me know." And I told her I had to get going. We said our goodbyes.


T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
I have a question,

Would it be ok to text my Ww to follow up on the SD situation?

Or should I just let her deal with it completely and let her come to me.?


T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Originally Posted By: HurtJef
I have a question,

Would it be ok to text my Ww to follow up on the SD situation?

Or should I just let her deal with it completely and let her come to me.?


HJ

Just caught up on your sitch a bit. I admit I had to laugh about you giving your W advice on setting boundaries because SD was testing her ... seen that same advice but its typically concerning the WAS ....lol. Proving these DB tools are useful in every day interactions ... I have DB's several clients this past year with great results.

To answer your question ... IMHO you handled it well, you appeared to be strong and confident, the man ... allow that to slow cook, if your W needs you for this she will come and ask ... you have to be careful and not appear to pursue nor 'fix' this. I just get the vibe if you try to follow up its not a very good Risk/Reward ratio in this case.

So yeah ... Option #2 is one that comes from strength here.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
Thanks Cali,

Funny, I was thinking the same thing after I got off the phone last night.

I thought option two is the way to go as well


T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
Journaling:

Went out with work friends last night...had a nice time.
Feeling pretty good about myself.

Ww supposed to have kids til 5 today as she works at 5:30.
BUT.....she texted me this morning asking me to pick them up.

I told her that I certainly could pick them up but later this afternoon.
She started to spew about having them everyday while I am at work and she dosent have any time to do what she wants to do.

I just reiterated that I could pick them up this afternoon.

The reason she keeps them while i am at work is b/c it is summer and the kids are out of school. She doesn't work during the day and she dosent want to help pay for daycare.
Also today, i have IC this afternoon and need to go grocery shopping. And she agreed that in saturdays she keeps them until she has to go to work and picks them up after work on Saturdays that she has a day shift.

Not to mention that I already gave her every other Tuesday to have to herself. Im not giving in anymore on the agreed schedule.

She then texted me back. "Thanks Alot...I guess I can't do the things I wanted to do today.

I didn't reply


T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
When you must respond toTM, try using as few words as possible. The more you say, the wider you open the door for her spew.

You are the one in control by using one to three word TM.

You did the right thing by not responding to the guilt card she played.

Last edited by sandi2; 08/01/15 05:18 PM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
Journaling

After IC I called WW to let her know I was gonna pick up the kiddies.
No answer......so I went home.

She texted me an hour later ....."are you coming?"
I responded: Yes....have them ready

I got there and made uninterested "small talk"
She noticed the new shorts I was wearing and said that she liked them. She told me I was looking tan. I just smiled and said thanks....then she started picking at an ingrown hair on my jawline which was weird, I just told her not to worry about It, It will go away....she wanted to get the tweezers....i told her thanks but no thanks....I dont have time.

She then helped get the kids in the car and told me goodbye. She was being very nice which is good i guess.

Its so funny how right Sandi is about the mood swings if a WW. I wonder if they know how predictable their unpredictability is...lol they are the epitome of oxymoron!!!!

Last edited by HurtJef; 08/01/15 07:45 PM.

T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121
H
HurtJef Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 121


T14 M5
SD15,D8,S6,D3
"Not Happy" 12/11/14
EA discovered 2/11/15
MC started 2/17/15
MC "put on hold" 4/3/15
W IC started 4/5/15
PA admitted 5/7/15
WW moves out 5/8/15
WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard