At some point, you're going to need to respond to W's email. I wouldn't delay it too long because she's trying to coordinate the logistics from her end and ignoring it just makes you look like a controlling jerk. I have to give it to her by taking this into consideration way in advance. That is being respectful and I think it's important that you extend the same courtesy here.
I promised I would catch up on your sitch when I had a moment. So I am making good on my promise. And boy am I glad I did. You are such a beacon of calm and kindness to others on the board, so when I saw your last post about hanging by a thread I felt especially distressed. I am so sorry you are struggling.
Remember that "hanging by a thread" is akin to "holding on to the rope". Who is on the other end of that rope/thread right now? I respect you no matter what you decide, but whatever you decide, you (we, actually) have to let go of the rope in order to detach. Just know that inside of you is a very special soul that is capable and is achieving great things already. We don't know how the story ends, nor do we understand why we suffered until we have emerged on the other side. There is meaning in your struggle.
Not sure if this will resonate with you as it did with me, but I shamelessly "borrowed" a version (I would attribute, but I can't identify the author - it's all over the internet):
Quote:
A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.
The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don't forget the power in the struggle.
I guess we need the struggle. Now, if only someone would would just put Jupiter back into alignment already.
Great post RAI. Bob , so sorry to see you struggling. Has something happened that you haven't posted ?
You seem to be doing really well of late I know your W's recent texts have affected you but you know that she is conflicted be cause of what she text only a few weeks ago.
Bob I can only remind you that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Your W took a long time to get to where she is and it will also take a long time for her to sort herself out. If you continue to improve and GAL you will become a man only a fool would leave This will make you a great partner or W or some other luck lady
Chin up Bob , a lot of people on here look to you for support and we need our friend Bob back to good form. Take care mate. Rd
If for a second we forget about the clear connection between hanging by a thread and dropping the rope.... And just assume hanging by a thread just means you are feeling low... Then I ask you to reflect on the person you were. The person who was lost with no support. That person was worse than hanging by a thread, and maybe didn't even know it. This person, the person, you are now, may be bruised, battered or shaken, but his future is much brighter!
Keep moving forward.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Bob, it's definitely a process. You've made such progress with your gal. For me the hardest part is getting used to and being ok with being alone. It's something I realize is necessary because until I can enjoy being alone and with myself, I will be too dependent on ww (if that ever was something down the road) or any other relationship I do have. I would be too attached and that is an issue that contributed to pursuit by me in our marriage. That's a 180. You have a chance to continue to get in such emotional and mental shape that others would dream of.
For me looking back, even my worst days now are short lived and better than 3-4 months ago where we were living together but emotionally separated, knowing she was lying to my face and having an affair. I'm not subject to that anymore, I deserve better and so far, I'm experiencing it. You have and will too!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Firstly, when I feel a big urge to do 'something' - throw in the towel for example - I just do nothing. Not acting on big urges is an action in itself and I have never regretted doing nothing, I just let the urge pass and I continue. Often within a few days I feel quite differently.
Secondly, I tell myself about 'standing for my M' - if I truly feel like giving up - I tell myself okay I'm going to continue until the end of this month and see how I feel at that point, but I will definitely stand until then. And again, the end of the month comes and passes and I'm still here.
Hello Dearest Toots!
I was very busy GAL yesterday, July 5. I went to the race track with the same group I went with in May and had a good time. I even made $10.00 (US) on a few bets. So, this is my first time on-line in 2 days.
Thank you for your super-encouraging words. The advice you gave is so good, too.
You are one of the best of the best on this board. Everyone is SO caring.
Take care Toots xo
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Wonka - Yes, you are correct about that! My mother instilled in me to always take the high road. As always, thank you Wonka! *hugs*
RAI - What any encouraging post!! You are very kind. The Emperor moth story DID resonate with me. Thanks so much.
Rd - Thank you for stopping by. No nothing has happened that I haven't posted, but that was a good question. It was Independence Day here in the US and it brought back so many memories of going to parties with my W, etc. It made me sad. Thank you mate!
Mahhhty - so well said. I will do my best to keep moving forward. Thank you buddy.
Rip - thank you for stopping by, too. Your post is excellent it makes so much sense to me. Take care, sir.
Thanks to all of you, and others, I won't quit working on myself and feel so much better. PMA and one day at a time.
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So, this is my first time on-line in 2 days.