Hi Sotto. Thanks for the post. I am able to read between the lines of your post and while I appreciate the offer I thinks it's best to wait until your in a better place emtionally before we commit to anything ! !
Yes physically it might be extremely gratifying on some sort of deeply based animal instinct but would we be happy after ? I suppose if it helps you I could hardly refuse but still I feel we should give it time , maybe 1 or 2 minutes to consider.
I'm a little hesitant to post with all these hormones flying around.....
Thanks for answering my question earlier. I read what you said a couple of times and thought about some things you said before about what she has said and just wondered if your W knows that you would want to make things work (assuming you still do)?
Is it something that L/C would have talked to her about at all?
It strikes me that she might want to come home but doesn't feel like she could ever be enough for you. I might be way off and i'm not sure it makes a difference to what you do in the short term but if you think there is anything in it then i'd would say talk to L/C about it.
I could also be talking nonsense
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Yes physically it might be extremely gratifying on some sort of deeply based animal instinct but would we be happy after ? I suppose if it helps you I could hardly refuse but still I feel we should give it time , maybe 1 or 2 minutes to consider.
At this point, I don't care all that much about being happy after......Oops, terribly incorrect, I know.
Anyway....RD, so in your story recap, W said she isn't happy, doesn't want sex and you said, sorry that doesn't work for me. So....can you explain exactly why you want this woman back? She doesn't love you physically or otherwise, so what's in it for you? Sorry to be blunt dear, but you know that's my style. And you also know I'm not pushing an agenda, but trying to make you think. Answer here if you wish, to yourself if you don't.
RD - you are hilarious!!! Thanks for making me laugh...
I'm interested in your answer to Sunny's question too. For me I think things have gone so far now that the door to possible reconciliation is only open a tiny chink. I believe I need to become financially independent now and I expect we will D too. After that - well I guess I'm not thinking any further than that just now - I'll just live my life I guess.
In terms of Sunny's question, I guess I would ask what you want, whether this is okay for you and whether there is anything you want to do to move towards living the life you want. But maybe you feel happy to let things continue as they are? Not suggesting you should do anything differend, but just interested to hear your view.
Take care RD xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Jim. L/C is aware that I would reconcile but on my last visit she feels EXW still needs time. I'm not sure about EXW knowing and I don't think she does Im quite negative in my words with EXW and often don't realise until it's too late
A couple of recent examples, all the bills are in my name save Sky and the bins. We tried to change them but it got messy so I pay x amount into EXW account every month. Last month Sky was higher and EXW said they took more than was allowed. I answered that maybe she should cancel it and I will just get it again in my name. EXW said that that might be a good idea as WE could get a better deal. I corrected her in a jokey way but did say I could get a better deal Another recent one is EXW was talking about her flat and a few problems and how her lease was ending in a couple on months , I asked her if she would be renewing the lease or trying to move to a different flat. just small things but I do them consistently Not deliberately With regard s to the kids I would never consult her re holidays or days away. Basically one EXW leaves the house I would never contact her regarding anything and on the one occasion that 1 child was ill and I had to take them to the hospital I got that child to text her
Jim EXW has temp checked / come forward quite a few times and I have never reacted other than to say the future is never set in stone
Sunny. Thanks for the question. I have thought about this and I e done a list of pros and cons
Pros
1. I love who EXW used to be. 2. EXW stood by me through thick and thin sickness and business 3. I think EXW is going through something Breakdown , MLC or the like 4. I believe ( most days ) that OM is a freind and maybe a n escape but no t romantic 5. Through all of this EXW has been ok. No real spew that I read others getting and left me with everything save for a few hundred euro a month 6. I see EXW and how much stress etc she is under. She was never a large woman but now she is a size 6 - 8 and obviously living a very unhappy life 7 My heart tells me that she is very lost and maybe that's forever but maybe not 8. My kids. life would be better for them as a family and even for their kids
Cons
1. EXW has shown she is a liar , very selfish and not who I thought she was 2. Could I ever let go of thoughts of her and OM 3. Would a new R work and if not could I go through all that pain again 4. Would I wonder her reasons for coming back 5. How would / could the trust ever be restored when I have my issues re trust
Sunny. Maybe there is a hint of insecurity in me that I won't meet anyone else that I could live as I loved EXW. Could I trust anyone again after the mother of my children and my best friend for 25 years could change so quickly whatever the cause. I have great friends on this site that will make great partners for who ever they choose but what's the chance of finding that type of person in the real world
Sotto. I'm so glad to have made you laugh You have so much going for you and I often think that you can't see it
Cadet. I will. Thank you
Thank you all for posting I really appreciate it. Take care. Rd
