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Quote:
Can't bring myself to do the emoji stuff though. I have to draw the limit somewhere, and emoticons are my limit sleep

Hahaha. I'm with you on this. It pains me to even type "LOL."


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
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Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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Your thread is about to top out so I'd finish on this. You saw diffrent's post the other day where she stated that she's ok being her. This I get. It's ok to be us. To be me. So yea, we all talk about self improvement but is that really different from what we were like pre BD? I don't think so. I know I was always into improving. But yet here we are.

And this is part of the struggle. Pre BD I could just be me. So what if WW and I do end up back together. Then what? I watch like a hawk for the rest of my life worrying if she'll do this again? I know trust is something that needs to be rebuilt but.....


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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It's a good point NDY. I think part of becoming an H only on a fool would leave also implies that you're going to trust yourself. You went get in a R with your WW until you feel that you trust yourself enough to know that something's not right.

No matter how much work we do, there's nothing stopping a spouse from leaving at any time. Any time. That being said, you're going to come through this with a fresh set of R tools, communication tools, sensors for BS and truth, and more.

Or you'll trust yourself to look her in the eye and say, "Sorry, I'm not buying it and deserve to be with someone that is truthful. Bye."


M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
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Amen PP, amen.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
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asitis Offline OP
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In Buddhism, there is a chant called the five remembrances, and one of the five is:

"All that is dear to me, and everyone I love are of the nature to change.
There is no way to escape being separated from them."

A while ago, I really faced the reality and let it wash over me that no matter what I do, at some point I will be saying goodbye to my W & my kids (if I'm lucky, I'll actually get to say goodbye, as we don't all get that chance). But an even deeper meaning of this is that we come to see those we love as a kind of fixed object of longing to which we cling. That isn't seeing that person really. It is a stunted imagination of a person that they have been changing from (just as we continually change).

It both helps us to see the importance of not letting those we love just slip by without really living with them when we have the chance, because we really don't know how long that will be. But also, that we really see the person for who they are, not who we think they are or want them to be. It is the seeing with beginner's eyes that MWD mentions in (I think) DR. If you can really see them, you can both see the dynamism of the person, see what they want and need, be there for them fully, and also be able to let them go. Then you stand a much better chance of being someone with whom you can have real love.

I still have problem seeing my W & kids like that. It is a work in progress. I also still have trouble seeing myself like that. It is an important part of my long-term personal journey.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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Posts: 1,458
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Is it? I'm not so sure. The way I interpreted WMD is to dismiss 'how' things were. It's more about what were you doing that was attractive in the first place. Look. Well all change. Just in what direction. When one of us suddenly turns left when we thought we were heading straight on is more to do with the navigation skills of those on the journey. So the beginners mind to me is more about the path, not the destination. And that's is something I see in my WW.

You know my story and you may recall the pictures of inspirinational messages? Mr Bond and GB had some quite different views on that. But they were both correct. So yea, she wants to live life to the full and she wants no regrets. And that's fine it's just that's everything she worked towards doesn't provide the level of satisfaction she needs.

Question is why? I could offer many an explanation on my sitch, but it's not us that decided to turn left. Get me?


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
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asitis Offline OP
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Reaching the 100th post, so I'm closing this thread down and starting a new one here:

as_it_is - my adventure continues (part 2)


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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