Thanks so much, Betsey. He is really manipulative and controlling and is king of the double standard (but will debate to the death when called on that because of course the situations are (always) completely different and couldn't possibly be compared. /eyeroll/.
I just got a long reply saying how concerned he is; he thought "this was our agreement, isn't this what you had last year, why do you need so long to get back to me about summer plans, I am just asking for clear and timely communication like I always give to you."
I need to step back and breathe and not let myself get sucked into an argument.
I had to cut a really fun playdate short to drop D off to him. My girlfriends who I love complain about their H's-- you know, the ones who didn't walk out on them.
Sometimes it just feels really hard to stay calm with him. He's worried about his vacations with his gf, I'm worried about where my D and I will live.
Thanks again for all your support. It really means a lot. I know that someday this won't be so emotionally draining.
Yes, when I get to the end of the second week my patience is wearing kind of thin, but I wouldn't trade a full weekend with them, or to myself, for anything, especially when I'm working. And in my case, it splits responsibilities like sports more evenly than if we split the weekend itself in half. It also makes it much easier for me to spend time with my friends AND with my New Guy than if I had only half a weekend every week.
Also in my case, I insisted in our settlement agreement that the summer schedule be set by April 1st to make sure I was able to get the kids into whatever childcare camps I need. Your D is so little it's difficult for you to look forward to the older school ages, but it matters a lot that we know what the summer looks like even in the early spring.
It sounds like there is so much flex in your arrangement that you and STBX are having a hard time working things out. Trust me, this will NOT get easier as your daughter gets older. We have all the holidays, etc. figured out in the agreement. God willing I got everything that will be applicable when they're teenagers...
This is the part of divorce that stinks. I hope you can find a way that works for your situation that minimizes the frustration and resentment that so many of your interactions with him seem to generate. Hugs to you!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
