Ok. Now what??!?!?! So, here are the texts: Sorry it's LONG!! First - he was asking for copies of 3 yrs of homeschool work for our son who entered public high school. I told him I'd give him copies later this week. Then he started in on our youngest son who had a few bad grades and is trying to transition to a public school. He's being tested. Our children aren't failing! The tone in these texts are all over the place and accusatory. He isn't right and he makes it seem as if he is. There's a lot of backstory so please let me know what u think.
XH: R u going to allow other son to continue at this school if he fails next report card? I'm waiting for an answer. I want to know what's going on with my son if he fails again?
Me: OUR son is improving. He just needs time to adjust.
XH: Your son is in a grade he isnt supposed to be and it was your choice. So I wanted to clarify if he fails. What is ur plan? I didnt ask how he was doing?
Me:I'll let our son adjust. It took our other son a year to adjust.
XH: We'll see what is in his best interest. I don't think 3 out of our 4 boys failing is a good thing.Son isn't at his grade lkevel. What r u trying to hide. I want copies and I don't need them sorted. I want a copy before we go to court. I'm asking nicely. I am picking them up tomorrow 6-8p. I know it's a school nite but I have my right to them on Thursday's.
Me: It's our son's birthday and we'll be going out to dinner. You can have the boys an extra 2 hrs on Sunday.
XH: Nope! I have rights. It's in our decree. I'll b there at 6p.
XH: I don't have to pickup oldest son since he's an adult. I have my boys 6-8p dont put them in the middle of this.
ME: But oldest son wants them at his dinner.
XH: i text him the other day and he didn't respond. Sorry VGE not happening. I'll have them hm by 8p. I'm going to bed. i'll be there at 6p.
ME: The boys want to go to dinner. We made plans according to the schedule we agreed to at the beginning of the year. U can have them later on Sunday. U should be able to respect their wishes for their brother's birthday.
XH: VGE, we agreed to a lot of things verbally. tons of things. u haven't followed through. I will not let u bully me or put oldest son's birthday in the middle of this whole thing. He lives with u and so do the boys. I made plans and I'm picking them up. As far as youngest son goes, u never answered me and i've asked 3 times. If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be very upset. I'm going to sleep cuz I have to work.
Me: the agreement was through texts on August 25, U even said that would work better cuz of ur real estate school. BTW- where do u wrk? R u still doing real estate? u never disclosed this to me.
XH: I didn't know I had to, No not doing real estate. Just out of curiousity..why r u asking?
ME: Ok so where r u working?
XH: The office of attorney general knows. you'll find out in court.
ME: OAG said your garnishment doesn't take effect for another 4-6 wks. It's in the decree to let the court and me know of current employer.
XH: D enterpises. And it only says if termination of employment.
ME: Second page says current employer and address. Why is this such a secret?
XH: U r full of secrets vge. I sent it to the OAG its not a secret.
ME: Ok fine. but u haven't told the boys where u work.
XH: i don't have to tell them. Would u stop? Really it's crazy. U r acting like I need to tell u for some reason? What do u want to know anyway. It's a job. I gave u the info. The boys dont ask me anything or how im doing. why would they care where i work? They didn't even ask when i left? But I'm still looking for a job everyday. And it's all I could find with my back now. I might need surgery again. I'll let u know when I find another job if I do. Thanks!
ME: Thank u.
XH: And u never answered my question about youngest son. Don't forget I'm picking up the boys tomorrow at 6p as our decree states. Do u want me to send u a copy?
Me: No. The boys will b going to dinner as we planned before u changed ur mind about visitation days.
XH: Do what u have to do. I'll do what I have to do. R u denying me now?
ME: Is that a threat? I have NEVER denied u a visit. Why cant the boys just have dinner with their brother on his birthday.
XH: I'll do what I have to do to document accordingly. No, u just told me that u couldn't physically force the boys to come on their visits. and they missed many themselves.
Me: Why r u threatening me? u didn't visit them for 2 wks cuz u were angry at them and now u want to resume Thursdays? They just want to spend a nice dinner with oldest brother on his birthday which just happens to be on a Thursday. you'll see the boys this weekend and can make up the 2 hrs on Sunday.
XH: VGE i have plans. sorry u didnt let them see me when school started cuz u said u had plans. Well this is one of those times. They were upset with me. Ive never not wanted them to come. I would have them live here if they wanted to.Oldest son's birthday happens to be the time I have plans. U don't get to tell me what I can or can't do. I will follow the law.
Me: But they don't want to live with u. Why didn't u tell me u had plans earlier this week? Follow the law? Really? what's that about?!
XH: Vge u don't communicate with me. U don't know how to coparent. u have kept me out of the boys lives, schooling and other events. There have been numerous visits when one of the boys have not come and u didnt let me know. U have kept their grades from me until I have had to beg for them. So dont talk to me about communicating my plans when u have failed to communicate with me. Again, I'll b there at 6p tomorrow.
So I'm asking if I handled this correctly. He knows I don't respond to statements so now he just asks questions in a rapid fire. I answer them but he isn't satisfied. He keeps on. I do communicate with him and the one time that one child doesn't go on a visit = he counts it against me. IT was our son's choice. And he keeps telling them to choose but now he's forcing them.
UGH! Looking for some wise advice here. Please know that I am not the bad guy.
I am sorry you are having to deal w/him. I'm going to suggest that you stop asking him questions about where he works because that is a thorn in his side and he feels that he doesn't answer to you any longer. He thinks he's above the law and doesn't have to answer to you or the courts about anything. Another thing that I see from your postings, he points out things that you've done or didn't do and you do the same w/him. Nothing is getting accomplished w/this bickering back and forth except that he's probably printing off your remarks or sending them somewhere as evidence. You have choices here: 1) choose to continue this bickering back and forth and nothing gets accomplished; 2) advise him that you will not address those concerns via text, but you will be happy to do so in a meeting at a mutual public place; or 3) these discussions can be held in a mediator's office, preferably one that settles disputes over child custody issues. The more you argue w/him the more he's going to want to prove that he's right. You are fueling his fire by doing this. He gets his jollies by bullying you...take that away from him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
