barbie...I'd encourage you to go back to the beginning of 4mykids's threads and read them through. She's got a long ways to go to change her reality, but she's come a long ways already. With you I get the feeling you're still in 'focus on WAH/react' mode. I know how tough this is, I just want to see it get easier. You have similar sitches, check it out if you can. Hang in and keep posting.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Quick update-haven't had much time to get on here-I'm finally getting the support money coming in after a lot of headache and trouble from them..she is still bringing him here to pick the girls up BC he hasn't fixed his truck yet..me and her got into an argument a few weeks ago..i told her she isn't going to boss me around with my kids and I had the kids with him not her and that I need to speak to him about them not her..she demanded that I respect her and a bunch of other stuff..long story but I'm so sick and tired of her controlling everything and having her nose in everything..she is the one that puts the support money in the account for now until they start taking it out of his check..i do not have his phone number only hers and they want me to communicate to her about the kids BC he's always working..he does have his own phone but she wont allow him to give me the # I guess..every time he calls the girls he has it on speaker so she can hear everything..my middle daughter can't stand her and doesn't even want to go over there anymore but I can't do anything about that 😣 I pray every night that they break up for good and she goes away but they are just getting closer than ever and always talking about their future..i do nor speak to him unless absolutely necessary and when she texts me I try to keep it short but they just don't understand I want nothing to do with her and she wants us to act like bff and for us all to just be a big happy family..I've been doing pretty good though most of the time..keeping up with 3 kids and a house is a big handfull but sometimes I do get sad and lonely and just ask God why him and her seem to be getting away with what they've done to us..who knows what can happen like I said we can't get divorced until next September but I'm really starting to hate him for everything he has said and done..I'm hoping God has another man picked out for me after I'm divorced..the kids have a few things coming up that they want to go to so that will give us something fun to do..let's just say that I'm trying to teach my kids manners,morals,right from wrong,etc. And this woman isn't even taking a bath or brushing her teeth or wearing deodorant when the girls are there..i hope they don't think that's ok for them to do..and even though I'm doing a great job with everything *so I've been told* she is still trying to out mother me..even telling the girls she's sure her house is cleaner than mine and blah blah..she is an idiot..she has no kids full time and barely has anything in her house..oh well looks like even when I ignore them completely they still talk crap about me..she's still asking him if he wants me back and he says no..idk why she thinks I would want him back at this point but whatever floats their boat..I'm just so grateful i have my babies with me even with all the other crap that goes on and I do feel that God has something better in store for us I just don't know when..oh and I've been dressing a lot better lately when I go to places and I've been getting some looks so that makes me feel better..she even told him the other day that I looked really pretty when they picked the girls up..the girls told me she said that after they left..guess she wanted to see if he would say something..idk why she's talking about me looking pretty..that's kind of weird to me but oh well
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Oh and Zeus I was reading her ditch for a while there but haven't caught up on all of it yet
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
And I made the mistake of looking at the fb page he just made recently..i know I shouldn't have..he has a pic of him and her on there and he put that they're in a relationship and he's very happy and he put a pic of him and the girls on there..I didn't want pictures of my babies on the internet but I know there's nothing I can do about it and it [censored] that he's telling ppl that don't know the real story and I can't defend myself..they have no idea what really happened and they're telling him they're glad to see he's doing good and so happy..what about all the pain and suffering we had to go through for him to be so "happy"?!?!
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Hey Barbie, I'm not posting much these days but wanted you to know I'm still reading your updates.
Not much I can say to this. It's not a fun place to be for sure. And I doubt H is going to come around anytime soon. While most A's don't turn into lasting marriages, that doesn't mean they can't last years and tear apart families.
It sure does seem like OW has her cat's claws in the situation. She's afraid of letting him talk to you. She's terrified of letting him do anything on his own. You and I both know that's not going to build a lasting R, I don't know many men that would live like that for long. But yes, it stinks to have to deal with her and her attitude. Especially if there are undertones that she's "won" your H, when in reality she is selfishly destroying a family and clinging to someone she won't keep in the end.
You're getting out of the danger zone, the first few months after BD that is. It will get easier. I cared at one point what others thought of STBX vs. me. I don't anymore. The sad fact is that many people in this world are accustomed to this type of thing and think that leaving a M should be applauded because it shows you're standing up for yourself and not settling, etc. This is such a load of hogwash. But many people think this way, and good for them, they can all go screw each other's spouses and enjoy their 12 month endorphin rushes while searching facebook for their next A partner in their series of 5 year relationships.
The only thing I can really wonder about is this post had little to do with you. It had mostly to do with WAH and OM. That's why I think no one really had much to say. As long as you focus on them you'll be kind of stuck. Only when you put the focus on you and your life are you free to start getting back control. This is a great place to vent, so by all means it's better to post here than to walk around her car twice with your sharpest key (for example). But do challenge yourself to talk further about what you've got going on. Any news on the barbie front?
Hang in and keep posting.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I have been reading through some of your situation.
As an outsider reading in I think that if you continue to hold yourself with dignity, and make it look like you can't be bothered getting upset about STBX or OW, you will start to look better and better in exes eyes. It sounds almost like he is going for OW because he wants to rebel. It sounds like she is making you a common enemy to keep him. But don't play the game and be that enemy.
Be above it, look good and dont engage. Take on the attitude that OW is beneath you and not worth your reaction. She is going to just come across as controlling, Disgusting, and selfish. You know why? Because she is. What type of person goes for a married man with 3 small kids? A pretty sleazy one. Sit back and let her dig her own grave. She really can't compete.
You on the other hand have class. Don't waste your time worrying about someone so beneath you. Life is too short. Sure, it's upsetting but you have spent enough time being upset, So go on and get out there and do things for you!
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
