Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[jedi]

I was posting from my phone yesterday so didn't feel like typing the back story out, but figured I would now just for more info and journaling sake.

W was actually the one who reached out to me to confirm the tentative lunch, and so I figured I should consider that a positive and why not meet up. Had she really not wanted to see me I think she would have just told me to send her pile of mail.

To clarify on the post lunch texts, she initiated this shortly after lunch and sent 3 or 4 about random stuff but the last one was thanking me for lunch. About 90 minutes later was when I sent back the text saying thanks for meeting me and that I enjoyed the time together. She replied more or less immediately that she enjoyed it as well.

So, all of the above (minus that tiny bit of pursual on my part) all seemed to be positive to me, and I left feeling pretty good about it all, albeit missing her more than I had in a long time.

The texts about filing for D came about an hour later. She had filed prior to yesterday, but I'm not sure exactly when. Long enough for the courts to have set the date and send the paperwork to her.

I have still not responded, but she did send another text late last night saying her D texts may have come across insensitive and that she was sorry for this.

I think based on her overall tone (yes, mindreading here) that she does care enough that she knows this hurts me, and doesn't like doing that. Clearly this doesn't change her path, and I know this also doesn't change mine. Still, it's sad when someone still cares but the pain of trying/staying is more than the pain of leaving.

So, where am I headed now? I feel I need to reply at some point so as to not be rude, but my initial gut need to do this has waned. I still am thinking of something like this, but will let this marinate for a while longer before sending.

W,
I still do not feel that D is the only option at this point, but I respect your decision and have put the date on my calendar.

[jedi]

Also just to get this emotion out of my head, after sleeping on it I truly believe I'm more hurt by the fact that she couldn't be honest to me in person about this than I am about the actual filing.

It's not a shock to me that she filed. She stated this intention long ago, has moved out, and I have had no reason to think this wasn't coming. It does however bother me that she can't own up to her decisions to me face to face.

Knowing she's filed still stings a bit, but changes nothing for my M/R right this moment and doesn't change my continued path of GAL, detach, becoming the best me. I know there is still nothing but time.

[West1]

Time is your friend right now. Just be patient, and focus on what YOU can do better to make yourself a better person, a better husband, and better in life in general, for YOU.

It can be hard to stay focused, it gets easier with time.

I hope things take a turn for the better.

Above all else, there is always hope, never give up, never surrender.

[jedi]

West1, thanks for the encouragement. I was just thinking now that it does get easier with time. In fact, I think time is the only thing that can really get us all into a better place. It's taken me these last 2.5 months to begin to come to terms with this, and I think I still have a ways to go.

I ended up replying to W this morning with basically that I could see how bringing up D in person would have been hard, and that while I don't understand fully how we got to this place nor do I think D is the only option, I fully respect her decision and will not stand in her way.

And I feel good about this. I don't care how she responds, or if she responds at all. I've said my peace, and at this point I've fully accepted that I'll be ok without her in my life.

Sure, I'm still open to R, and I'm not necessarily giving up. I'd much rather have her in my life, as I still love her deeply and she's still the most beautiful person I've ever known. M 2.0 for us could be SO good.

However, I think after this news of her filing for D I am finally going to stop hoping for R and begin to truly move forward.

[jedi]

Journaling:

I have been keeping busy with GAL, mostly spending time with friends and family this week and updating everyone with the news of W having filed for D.

I've not heard from W, nor do I expect to. My last text was, IMO, pretty clear on how I feel and did not warrant a response.

Now that D has been filed I'm no longer scared that finishing separating the few things we still have joint are going to push her further away, and plan to try and break everything off completely in the next 2-3 weeks. I will have to visit a branch with W to remove her from my accounts and also get the house key back, but for the rest I plan to send an email with a list of items and let her decide to take them over, or I'm changing passwords.

Going to try and make a DB coach appointment this week, but I'm not sure there's much more for me to do at this point but let W completely go to walk the path she has chosen.

I can tell I'm still emotionally fragile, and the path to fully healing is still far on the horizon, but I am at peace right now with what's happening.

[ILYNOT]

Hey Jedi, how you doing? Thinking about you! Praying youre doing ok!

[PigPen]

Jedi how about an update on how YOU are.

Sounds like you've had a hard couple of days, will you fill us in?

Sending you strength.

PP

[jedi]

ILYNOT, PP,

Funny you both happened to stop by yesterday. I have been meaning to update but by the time I catch up with all the other threads and post a bit I find my time and energy about gone!

Nothing new to report on W front, I had not heard from her since my text reply from above. I ended up breaking silence because there is the list of joint items I am working on and wanted to just make sure she was good with it all and had a heads up. Friendly emails between us but nothing more. I suspect once I wrap up splitting items this week there will once again be NC until our mediation date.

On the me front, nothing really new. I'm still off cigarettes, so I think that's gone for good at this point. Still running 3-4 times a week, and my weight has settled in it seems so I've bought some new clothes. Since BD I'm down roughly 20 lbs.

I feel that I'm coming down off of the post BD "high" if you will, almost like the adrenaline rush I was feeling is waning. I have accepted what I cannot change, and am looking forward in my life. I'm good with where I am though, which is way better than being emotionally attached like I was!

As I've said before, I am not against the possibility of R. I still care deeply about W, but I'm ok now without her in my life. I still miss her, some days more than others, but I think time will continue to heal the pain I've been through.

Thank you both for checking in. I'll continue to update as things progress, but for me I think I'll worry more about posting on others vs my own sitch.

[jedi]

No update per se, but another thread I posted on tonight reminded me of some lyrics I've grown to love and wanted to share with anyone who happens to stop by my thread.

The entire song has just resonated so deeply with me, as I think I've spent a lot of my life waiting to be ready for something (kids, wife, job changes, etc).

I've had more help than just this song realizing this, but life really is too short to wait for the 'perfect time' for anything.

Fear is an anchor, time is a stranger
Love isn't borrowed, we aren't promised tomorrow

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting
For the perfect time to come
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready

Mat Kearney - Never Be Ready