Gosh, this anger and bitterness is really coming out of me.
So sorry for this spew! :-)
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Sandi2 tells us that the WW/WAS is feeling hurt as well. But it is difficult to feel any sympathy for them when they are continually kicking you in the nuts.
So, we do get bitter and angry and resentful and that is when detachment really starts. You'll wobble (Friday appears to be my wobble day!) but get back on the horse and you'll be OK.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Gosh, this anger and bitterness is really coming out of me.
So sorry for this spew! :-)
Spew away, Py doesn't mind.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Just remember that she's just as human as you are.
She goes to her IC and tells stories of ways you hurt her that make her IC cringe.
She retells of the times she was in anguish and wanted to turn to her spouse and was rejected night after night.
She retells how she tried to express her pain, that she was dying inside, that she couldn't live like this, and she was ignored.
She retells different scenarios when your lack of empathy, your need to be right at all costs, to frame things through your point of view while diminishing hers made her feel worthless for years.
And she retells the grieving she went through that the love of her life wouldn't love her back because that's how she felt, and how she feels betrayed by you that she was forced to pick between eternal abuse and the destruction of her family.
DON'T scorekeep. You don't want to go there. Everyone is right in their own eyes. Trust me, if you could see things through her eyes you might not see her as a crazy and vindictive superficial whimsical addict. You might see her as a mature and committed woman who's commitment caused her to endure more pain that most people would have put up with, so who was in fact wounded more deeply by the man who swore to love her than she could've imagined.
There's a lot of ways to rewrite history. What feels true to you is your point of view. Seeing beyond your point of view is growth. Let go of the scorecard and the labeling, just get past it. You are both flawed humans that have hurt each other and failed in a M. That's it. Focus on your half and try to get better, not on what your W does after she was squirming in so much pain she couldn't go on.
Not easy. I can still do this if I'm not careful. Just trying to keep it real.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Gosh, this anger and bitterness is really coming out of me.
So sorry for this spew! :-)
Spew away, Py doesn't mind.
what - that was it - that was just a hiccup - spew away Smothy.
I absolutely agree with what Zeus was saying, but keep in mind that you are not going to move from one to the other overnight or even once and for all. If you start from "I dont want to be bitter" then this is excellent. Just try to not lose that.
Keep in mind having the compassion that Zeus described and be happy with this generally growing, NOT always growing, but per month say.
Respect the process, grieving that is. This IS bigger than you or I. It has taken over everyone on this board and millions more. It is part of being human that we experience this. It is hard not to, and as you know - do as I say NOT as i do, but DONT constantly evaluate your progress. I have quoted before that happiness is not a destination, it is in the journey. Well maybe so is sadness, and everything that makes up grief.
This journey will last how long???? The point is it won't last forever. There will be another journey, and where that leads you depends largely on how much you learn on this journey - not necessarily where you get to.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
