The other option you forgot to mention: she may see herself as a friend who is helping somebody in need. I recall my ex having many "friends" that thought they were "helping" the poor thing. Two of them almost died before I figured out what path I was going to take. Once I did, it no longer mattered who her friends were.
I mention that mostly because things aren't what they seem with your H. Opposites. Upside down. Backwards and forward. Tumble, rinse, repeat.
I wouldn't let her in either. But more because I didn't know her. And because if your H needs to get something done, let him do it himself. Not out of spite, but out of respect for his wishes to do things on his own.
In the end, you only really know what you know. Everything else is conjecture that will cause you drama and anxiety. Try not to go there - it'll make you crazy...
Make sense?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ, yes, I thought that she was just a friend too. Until she came up to me and my GF back in April and said that she and my H took a trip with the group of people, and they “got married” on the road and shared the room at the hotels along the way. She might be helping the “poor” thing, but does she want me to know. I and my GF both thought that it was intentional what she told us. Plus… I’ve heard other weird things… And, my mutual friends think that it is strange too. Also, the only people who I trust (so does H) to take care of the things at the condo are my mutual friends. They’ve been doing it for years and as far as I know they haven’t “resigned” from that yet.
I don’t want any drama. This is why I’m going to stay away from this woman as much as I can. If H needs to get the TV hooked up, he can absolutely do it himself. I’m surprised he hasn’t done it already.
Job, thanks for reminding me about the opposites. I think I’m confused about it because not everything that H has been doing now are the opposites of the before. He always was very social, but in person. Now it is both, in person and on social media. The biggest “opposite” for him is to have a smart phone (and not smashing it against the wall yet, LOL) and be on FB. But, he is still private about his feelings and thoughts. My mutual friends said that he doesn’t talk about our R and what he thinks at all. You right about him not being rational though, I completely agree with that.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
OK, some intel here… After my last post I got a little bit worry about the “opposites” and decided to check some records… Credit card, etc…. Soooo, H went to the state where that “suspected” divorced woman lives. He was there about three weeks ago for the weekend. And then it seems like he went there to pick her up and bring her to my city for the race. And… took her back, it seems… It is like 5-6 hour drive from the city where I live. Again, this is all my speculation… He could have done this for work (not?)... Just a lot of coincidence… She does live in that state which he went to.
And… there was a reservation for a hotel room for one night with king bed and for two adults in the city where she lives. This time it was a nicer hotel, LOL. The one in my city was a cheepy. Oh my, I can only imagine the “romantic” night at that one, LOL.
Darn… H is driving 5-6 hours back and forth, just to spend one night at the hotel. He must be really in love, LOL.
I had a momentarily hear beat when I saw the info, and I’m feeling ok now. I just cannot believe how fast it washes over me. The only bad part about H’s R with that woman is that she knows the same people I know at the vacation home. So, there will be more hard feelings… My mutual friends think that she is a great woman and a nice person. I just cannot believe that H is choosing to sh!t in his own create once again. He must be desperate…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Snooping will get you nowhere, except maybe the looney bin... Leave him be, he is beyond your reach, you cannot do anything for him. He has to work trough it himself...
Hey Vapo, why are you here anyway? Do you have to say anything better than that? Anyone can be "wise" in other people's situations... Not sure you have read much in my sitch to make any conclusions... Just saying...
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I am sorry you are hurting honey, I am just trying to offer support and advice as I see it. I am sorry you are finding my advice worthless, I will refrain from posting on your thread...
Bright, I find the woman interesting in the fact that she made sure to talk to you. She could very well be a friend, you know..a friend w/benefits or she could very well be just a friend, nothing more...but time will tell on that one. The TV hook up conversation was a bit odd, but she sounded like she really wanted to help out in getting that done, not necessarily for you, but your h. Maybe this was something that was discussed between them.
Your h started out a very slow one, but he's definitely full speed ahead these days. They don't necessarily do everything the exact opposite, some do and some don't. Time will tell just how much more he changes during his crisis.
BTW, time to start a new thread. I think I am replier # 106.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Once I did, it no longer mattered who her friends were. 