One thing I don't understand and perhaps there is no way to but her stepfather has had three or four affairs, even bought a house for one of them, and her mother has even called me in a drunken rage to come get him from the house as recently as six months ago because she was "going to kill him" but they are infuriated with me. I don't get it?
About the questions, for some people, someone who is constantly asking questions can be quite irritating. You have probably done it for so long (as a way of communicating), you may not realize the degree. It jumped out to me when I was reading your posts. Why not take notice and see if you do this with others.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, you are right about the manner in which I communicate. Asking questions is the manner in which I work and if others aren't providing information in my personal life, I ask questions. She is the type of person that doesn't ask questions. I did a pretty good job over the past week and she stated that it makes her feel more at peace.
We did have an argument last night through text. I asked if I could ask her a parenting question about the allowance of our 9 year-old to have a bikini. This is something we forbid when we were together and thought it was strange she didn't even ask me about it. She immediately turned this into a discussion about our marriage and all the problems I have. My daughter has some serious difficulties with the manner in which our oldest son, from her previous relationship, is treated compared to her and her little brother. My oldest son is being allowed to do things that would have never been allowed, including slapping my daughter in the head. She then started questioning my faithfulness during the separation.
She was a bit better this morning in texting about me allowing her to see the kids today on Mother's Day. The kids then told me when they got home that their mother spent the four hours they were there looking for bedroom ideas on Pinterest and taking a nap. My daughter also underwent a 30 minute conversation being told that just because her opinions are different than mine now doesn't mean that she is lying to my daughter. She has lied many times since the separation and my daughter recignizes this and for that reason doesn't trust her.
Thanks WBM. With all of these separate events, I am getting close to giving up. With all the talk of not believing what she says and after hearing her say positive things this morning, then she removes herself and our oldest son from our Apple family share plan, it makes me wonder if she is trying to provide some symbolism.
I have made a couple of mistakes over the past week. One in particular is when I asked her, at our children's counseling session, why she was so agitated. Her response was that it was because she was sitting next to me. I then asked her if she was done. She told me that we shouldn't have that conversation then and I know that I shouldn't have ever had that exchange with her.
I do think that I had my first major success yesterday. At least it felt major to me. I told her I would pick the little kids up from school and that I would bring them to her that afternoon. Earlier that morning, my counselor pointed out that while I had greatly reduced the interactions with her, I still wasn't fully respecting her desire for space and that I still needed to reduce my interactions, making it only about the kids as much as I could.
When I went to take the kids to her, I resolved that I was going to do what I was supposed to do. When she came out to get the kids, she wanted to talk to me about a meeting that I may need to attend with her for a child we work with. She wanted to push this conversation and made sure to repeat that I may not need to be there (which I understand she doesn't want me to go) while I was telling my children goodbye. After telling the kids goodbye, I told her I would put it on my schedule and try to make it if I can. She again started talking about the meeting and when she paused, I told her that I was grateful for her letting me get the kids and see them during the afternoon. I then told her that it was really good to see her. I then got in the car and left. I said nothing more. Her facial expression was something I had never seen from her. I don't know, but I think that she was so surprised that she texted me before I got home. She stated that my tone seemed awkward and she asked if I was doing okay. I responded that I am good. Did not text any more.
