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AHW99 Offline OP
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Thank you Raliced. I'm done. I'm out. It's over. My H just came into our bedroom and woke me up and said he was going to leave at (1230 am). Said he'd try to be around in the evening for the boys, but his friend got some bad news today and he was going to be with her, take the day off tomorrrow. I said what do you mean are you leaving for good?

He said doctors told her to take the next year off and she was going to have chemo and radical double mastectomy and he was not going to abandon her. I broke down and started sobbing because it hurts. He told me i was selfish and to get over it. I cannot believe all the hateful things he said to me. He said he didnt care about me and if i was hurt, I am a bitch and he wasted 23 years with me. Then he proceeded to text her about me and she ran me down and passed her judgement on our marriage. I asked him to please stop that I didn't want this to be our legacy after 22 years and saying things that hurt and we could never take back.

He is mad that I told our kids says it was none of their business but thank God I did. They have at least had a week to prepare for this. I still can't believe the things that came out of his mouth. He was so cold and so cruel, completely unable to understand my pain.

Tomorrow I will finish gathering the info needed to file for divorce and call the lawyer,

I would appreciete any advice on how to hold things together for myself and my family. How do I deal with him popping in and out. Lawyers say in our state cant force him to move out. May not happen until he gets a lawyer and they advise him to leave. Any way to get him to stop being such an [censored] other than to totally refuse to talk to him. I know he is mentally ill and probably feeling guilty so spewing hate to make himself feel better. It still hurts to think someone I loved and tried so hard to have a good marriage with could come to this. I'm trying to hold it together and not let him destroy my self esteem.


Me:54 H:54
M: 22 years
Kids: 3 D:20 S:16 S:16
BD: 3/21/15 PA/EA begun 11/14
PA/EA 2008 (9 months)
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Posts: 5,301
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AWH, I'm so sorry - that's awful. And sad that he said such mean things too. He is deep in fog and with a woman who sounds emotionally fragile too. Bear in mind that he may have told her negative things about your M, and she may believe she is rescuing him from a 'witchy' wife. I would ignore any communications with her - as V once said - she's a wormette, and not worthy of your wisdom.

AH, focusing on him just now is going to bring misery, misery, misery. He has nothing good to offer you just now. So, I would focus on three things - you - your family and legal protection. I would pack up his stuff and leave it in the garage for him to pick up. And I would choose the best of the two L's and follow their advice. Who knows what may happen in the longer term, but please remove your focus from him and OW. I wouldn't wish such illness on anyone & that's a sad thing whomever she is and whatever she may have done. He is in a miserable situation. There's nothing you can do for him just now - only save yourself! Take care (((((AW))))))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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AHW99 Offline OP
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Thanks Toots. I am trying. Everyday is a new day and I am getting stronger but I have such a crushing loneliness and fears of the unknown. I am trying to be strong for the kids. I can stay busy and I'm ok but sometimes I just get hit with panic and thoughts that I can't turn off.

Looking for a thread or others to talk with who have successfully navigated these next steps or are going through it now to give each other support.


Me:54 H:54
M: 22 years
Kids: 3 D:20 S:16 S:16
BD: 3/21/15 PA/EA begun 11/14
PA/EA 2008 (9 months)
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Posts: 1,647
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Don't really have much to add, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best.


At BD - Me: 33 Her: 33; M: 10 T: 15; D: 6 and 3

BD: 3/25/15
S: 4/20/15
D: 11/9/15
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Hey, AHW, I'm so sorry this is how it is playing out for you.

If it helps any, I've more or less been there, though the most gruesome parts where the OW was sort of in my face (though not NEARLY to the extent yours was) were over before I got to DB. But if you read my threads you'll see that it was a long, bumpy road with a LOT of people holding my hands and shoring me up while I got the courage to move forward away from him.

My kids are younger than yours and do not know any of this and that still causes some painful moments sometimes, but I can live with that.

Last year on Mother's Day STBX gave me a lot of heartlessness and walked off and I wanted to hit him with something. But he just walked off. After the WORST Mother's Day ever. That was the worst it got (This was about ten months after I found out about OW). Little by little I found my strength and my voice and now I am glad to be rid of him, and I am nowhere near the woman he left. This is a very, very good thing.

I do still feel twinges of pain that this is how things worked out, and fear at being alone, but I'm taking everything a day at a time, relying heavily on my very, very, very good lawyer, and all the other help and expertise that has entered my life, and things are becoming manageable in bits.

Anti-depressants do help and I would suggest that if you're finding it difficult to move forward that you might seek them out for a short time. They can be a lifesaver in this kind of situation.

I am sorry I'm late replying to you -- the last couple of weeks have been INSANE -- but I can NOT believe the nerve of that OW actually emailing you directly and suggesting the two of you share your POS "husband." I hope someday you can find it in you to laugh at her insanity. It's really not worth any other response.

Keep us posted, I'm trying to keep an eye on you when I can come back to the boards. You will be OK. I'm glad your kids are in the know now and maybe can resolve things a little better for themselves. How are they doing?

HUGS to you, AHW.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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