Thanks everyone for stopping by. The isolation of this situation has been particularly difficult for me. I am blessed with many friends but 18 months after BD these patient and well meaning people have no interest in listening to me go on about my H, his MLC or anything else that pertains to this whole mess. Life goes on and I understand.
Kml you are right to observe that H is deep in crisis. Peace - I agree that we must carry on. I hesitate to say I will ever be able to "drop the rope."
I want to share something but will post on a new thread.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Gwen, I know what you mean by this “isolation” thing. I stopped talking about my sitch with my family and friends. Like you said, they don’t have any interest in my feelings. If I express any feeling I get 2x4s, ensured. Even my closest GFs don’t want to hear about my sitch anymore. All I get these days is “I wish you would already moved on…”
Gwen, please come back and share whatever is on your mind. We are here for you. Sometimes I also I think if I ever be able to “drop the rope”… I think for some people it is a lot slower process than for others. Plus, you were married for 25 years and have two Ds with your H. I will take some time, but it will get better.
Thinking of you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Gwen, Please come here to post your thoughts, views, etc. In the real world, people do tend to get tired of us talking about our situations. All they want is for us to get over it and move on. Unfortunately, when dealing w/someone in crisis, it's up and down and quite frankly, they don't have a clue as to what we are dealing with. It's not a normal separation/divorce. Until they walk a mile in our shoes, they will not understand how much of an emotional rollercoaster that we are on.
For some, detachment/dropping the rope takes longer. It could be that "we" have some or even more contact w/our spouses and that keeps us "hooked" into their drama and we can't detach like we think we should. Others have children, so there is going to be some interaction, which can slow a person down w/detaching and then there are those who disappear and might send us a post card which then gets our hopes up that they are peeking out and might be waking up. It's difficult detaching because we fear that if we do, they might not come back or that we don't care. That's not the case, they do know how we feel about them, but they don't want to admit it.
So, please, the forum is here for you and we want you to know that we do care and we certainly don't get tired of listening.
Also, it's time to start a new thread.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Gwen - I know you are over your post number but wanted to chime in on your last post here.
I totally identify with what you said, I was told that I should expect it to take 2yrs before I felt ok again and that was from people who had "normal" marriage breakdowns. I have pressure from g/friends to "dump his selfish arse" and get on with my life, finding someone who deserves me. So yep, I know just how hard it is to live with the turmoil, sadness and hope all on your own ......however, your not on your own, you have us, we care about you, know what you are going through and are here to support you all the way, the good, the bad and the ugly times.
Gwen, this is a life long journey you are on, as I feel that even if you do decide to shut the door on your h, the scars are still there and yes, I know they will fade with time, but I feel this is an experience that will have a profound affect on you, some parts good and some parts not so good.
So no matter how long its been and no matter what the subject of your posts please come here. We are a family, a family that won't ever make you feel that you are a nobody or a nuisance.I for one would very much miss hearing from you, we started this journey around the same time and I hope will can remain friends, helping each other through this rollercoaster life we are living.
